Women and Weed: Ladies Meet Thine Evil Enemy!

Satan’s Garden of Herbal warfare: leaving hapless victims in it’s wake of disappointment.

Women of America, brace yourselves for epic disappointment. There’s a new scourge upon the land and it’s going to leave you high and dry , or maybe  hot and

“Fellatio can wait – let me post this to Facebook first.”

bothered beyond belief. Sexual frustration has a new name and it has arrived on the scene as “Legalized Marijuana”. Ladies, start preparing now for a drought that will leave you counting the 50 shades of gray on your soon to be under-appreciated  labia and other luscious lady parts. Men simply have no use for us anymore with the arrival of medicinal marijuana. .  Young virile men of our great nation are flocking to areas where marijuana legalization is supported. Many are imbibing in marijuana any medicinal way they can resulting in  a myriad of suppressed sexual behaviors including poor libido functioning and erectile dysfunction. Many scientists blame Facebook and online gaming. A recent study from Colorado reveals the startling truth.

Ladies, You thought on-line porn was challenging? Here are the startling reports direct from sources at Buzzy Bee Hemp Labs in Boulder Colorado. Our staff joined a team of researchers and enthusiastic clinicians  as a control group of 50 men were tested on their libido function, sexual appetite and sperm productivity following ingestion of marijuana buds. The results will astound you.

The clinical study involved men ranging in ages from 19-40 all considered healthy. Each male was given a marijuana cigarette to smoke (often referred to as a “joint“) after participants imbibed in this behavior they were approached by energetic female researchers  in lingerie. The women were thoroughly trained in administering oral pleasure at the most highest of standards.  The male participants were given four options following their weed smoking binges. Choices included  either unlimited bowls of snack food,  online gaming , Facebook or extended  oral pleasure from a trained female researcher. Scientists report that of the 50 men participating in the study, only four became sexually aroused after weed consumption and chose the oral pleasure option.  Of the four who achieved an aroused state, three elected to masturbate to porn images . One lone participant went through with the dreaded sexual experience  which lasted 34 seconds, then promptly  fell asleep. The remaining 46 participants failed to respond in an appropriate manner to live sexual stimulation leaving scientists to wonder about the implications weed smoking will have on   young males  now that marijuana laws across the country are relaxed.

Even more disturbing is the effect of the drug on spermatozoa. Healthy , goal-oriented  sperm became a cluster of  meandering  cells without direction or meaning when exposed to the evils of pot. Women with biological clocks ticking away should avoid marijuana consumers as sperm production is  reduced and likely retarded. Children born to pot smoking fathers  have learning disabilities and get bullied at school for being fat , dumb and lazy.

Finally, of  the enthusiastic female researchers who faced rejection upon their clinical trials many were interviewed upon completion of the study. When she had stopped crying one woman wa, overheard lamenting the painful experience. “I’ve never in my life had a man choose Black Ops 2 over a blow job. Is there something wrong with America?” Another clinician, who’s tasteful neon panties  and lap dance led to her subject’s increased Facebook activity  had this to say. ” Screw this, I’m joining the lesbians.” It’s important to note that of the few number of males willing to endure fellatio, not one reciprocated with a moustache ride. Psychologists point to the marijuana’ user’s complete lack of consideration and their underdeveloped relationship skills which suffer the most. Said researcher Dr. Vander Hoffen stated  ”Most marijuana users are inept social outcasts.  We shouldn’t expect great things from these men, particularly their offspring if they have any. That’s probably a good thing.”