• World Shocked By Ugly 2014 Jeep, Reddit CSS HTML Coders To Blame

    February 23, 2013 11:24 am 19 comments

    From the people who brought you the Pontiac Aztec and the most liberal site on the internet, a new design for the Jeep

    The html designers behind the socialist website Reddit.com somehow won a bid to design the new 2014 Jeep.  Consumer response to the 2014 Jeep has been nothing but turned-up nose disgust and confusion, with myself wondering why the Jeep looks like an angry Bruce Lee in mecha armor moreso than a luxury SUV with power.

    Perhaps it is a product of a new age, where if you drive a boxy muscle car or a H3 with strong lines forged in steel, liberals will paint you as a bad person. The new Jeep is apparently supposed to look ‘sleek and light’, but it definitely fails in that regard.  It looks more like the Prozac deprived GeoCruiser Wheeler and the Captain Planet gang used when fighting pollution crime and ruining the day of Sly Sludge.

    With that bit of nostalgia in mind, it may be painful to think of the proud Jeeps that roamed the road in those days, symbolizing the suburban dream of a nice home, money to burn on gas and the wife driving the kids to soccer practice.  Many have said it looks like the homepage of Reddit.com was designed by advanced kindergarteners taught basic CSS and HTML, all the way to the alien-conspiracy mascot, but I have always been suspcious that the designers of that site are actually marijuana aficianados who specialize in toking Uncle Tweety’s liquid LSD and minced acid.

    Look at their latest creation:

    Even more shocking than trying to sell off a product whose defiant lumps look like a last ditch effort to save its smushed down body from a trash compactor, is the fact that Redditors would take a fine American product and totally redesign it with Asian features.

    Look at those headlights?  How are those skinny little Clint Eastwood grimacing lights of shame going to help our eyes see windy roads late at night?  Anyone hardly versed in physics knows that to get a good light, you need an initial surface area from where it can spread.  If you have a skinny pinpoint light, you will get a skinny, pinpoint beam.  The Redditors were so busy trying to build an ultimate socialist manifesto car for mainstream America, they forgot consumer safety as priority one.

    2014 Jeep Cherokee

    Maybe the Reddit.com faction and their liberal wallet buddies can afford beach houses nestled in the foothills of Malibu and to have these high-priced ecodesigned vehicles, but for us normal Americans who are not living off Obama-friendly benefits we cannot afford all this nonsense.  Give me diesel and hard-chiseled steel any day.

    Surely, the designs of these new ‘hybrid’ and lightweight cars are so horrible, that multiple companies must be hiring out to random guys on the internet who brag themselves into corporate jobs.  Redditor coders likely said they have ‘dabbled’ with 3d design and car mechanics in between puffs of weed and keyboard, then got their massive socialist fanbase of America (50% of the population voted for Obama, so about 150 million there, China is socialist, so there is another 2 billion users, and Russia, about 140 million) and other socialist nations, totalling about 2.3 billion people, to support their claims by ‘upvoting’ their portfolios.  Seeing the numbers of supporters and the low priced bids these non-traditional “designers” charge, what companies would not be inclined to let these weedies try their hand at designing a new vehicle, especially in this politically socialist and green climate?

    But if companies are saving so much money designing these ugly new ‘eco-friendly’ vehicles, why are the prices not coming down?

    Volkswagen XL1

    Above is an eco-friendly car that Volkswagon is actually ready to put on the road between 2014 and 2015.  You are looking at the near production design.  It looks like a car you would see on some liberal Hollywood produced movie about the future, where robots have feelings and are our trusted companions and everyone uses Apple products.  Balogne.

    Because in that future, unless you are a Harvard elite like Obama and his cronies, how are you going to afford this car’s $ 100,000 price tag?  If you buy this car in Germany, it costs the equivalent of $9,000.  Cross-country shipping and buying of this car has been made ‘criminal without paying surcharges and fees’ by Obama, which would again mount the price of this car near $100,000, plus a shipping penalty.

    Liberals will try to say this is not true, saying instead that it is oil companies lobbying to make these car prices higher, but we all know any Republican/Oil Executive believes exclusively in the free market.

    Volkswagen XL1

    The day will come with all the emission fees, taxes and so on, only the elite liberals will be able to afford these foreign luxury cars designed by people who run social communes like Reddit.

    Obama’s taxing policy will make it so rich and mid-upper class families will just not be able to afford to send their kids to college.  Instead, the ‘expectation society’ kids will all go on to school instead, living off tax money scholarships and using affirmative action to leap ahead, while our kids are stuck working at McDonalds.

    Then the law will go into effect:  only eco-friendly cars are allowed on the road.  California is halfway there with their required emissions testing of every vehicle.  Instead of only fines for non-compliance, soon it will be jail-time and having your car smashed and then recycled.  If you cannot afford one of these new Obama vehicles, you will just be forced to walk to your job.

    And the cycle will continue, to where only people who live by Obama’s rules and standards for achieving success can afford to drive, turning American into a working-class socialist society.  These new, ugly eco-cars are to blame, and as we should know just by invoking ‘socialism’, Reddit.com is behind it all.

     

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    About The Author
    Adam Nelson

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