• Black Veal Brides, Chemical Romance fans hate free speech, try to shut down Christwire

    March 26, 2013 11:26 am 123 comments

    Sellouts: Green Charlotte members Joey Madden and Billy Biersack sell Kentucky Fried Chicken in Australia

    BLACK Veal Brides. My Chemical Romance. Avenged Semenload. Green Charlotte. Billy Biersack. These are the names that strike fear into the heart of every Christwire writer.

    Or, rather, they would strike fear into the heart of every Christwire writer was not every single member of the unbreakable Christwire fellowship courageous enough to stand tall in the face of emosexual terror tactics.

    For several years, Christwire correspondents have been fearlessly reporting on the emosexual scourge that has been preying upon American children, turning them into darksided mall goths who shoplift mascara and haunt the aisles at Hot Topic with their mournful, suburban presence.

    Even the most cursory glance at the priceless Christwire archives will reveal a wealth of top-notch reportage about the emosexual threat:

    Black Veal Brides, Falling on Reverse fans attack an 80-year-old woman

    Is Blood on the Dance Floor the most vile band in human history?

    Billy Biersack kicked off flight for homopant exposure

    Avenged Seven Fold: Today’s Best Jesus Rock

    And what has the emosexual response been? Incoherent rage. Lots of whining, tl;dr screeds about how everyone in America would be dead already if Andy Beersack hadn’t saved their lives. And lots of threats of physical violence from domestic emo-terrorist groups such as the Slash Gash Terrorist Crew and Violent J.

    And, of course, threats to have this Holy Site destroyed and taken down from the interwebs.

    The emosexuals hate free speech, and a cursory search of the Facebooks and Twitters will find no end of Facebooked groups and narcotic “hash” tags devoted to bringing down Christwire.

    The emosexuals think that the sickos from Average Semenloaf (A7F) should be free to sing about sticking their sin sticks into the decaying ladyparts of murdered women, but that Christwire writers shoudn’t be free to speak their wholesome opinions.

    Well, tough buns, as they say in the bakery business. Christwire is here to stay, and there’s not a gosh-durned thing that you emo Juggalos can do about it.

    ** NEW EMO FRIENDS PLEASE NOTE: Comments from new accounts automatically go into moderation until one of them is approved by a Christwire author. Once your first comment is approved you are free to comment to your little black heart’s content.

    I do my best to approve comments on my stories, but most of the other authors are too busy doing the LORD’s work to concern themselves with such things. — Arthur

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    About The Author
    Arthur Durry Arthur Durry is a lively, inactive Australian whose interests include biblical exegesis, cricket and seafood. Formerly known as Exbrony, he was never a brony.

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