I have once again uncovered a secret plot to overtake America. It seems that illegal Mexicans are now bleaching their skin and moving into gated communities with normal humans. While it is bad enough that these burrito eating banditos are sneaking across the border in the millions and creating new “barrios” all across our great country, now it seems that they have infected us in our once pristine communities and are even pretending to be highly paid workers like politicians, doctors and lawyers. We all know that even if a Mexican can fake their way into a good job, rather than picking lettuce or hanging out in a Home Depot parking lot, they will try to stabbed you for a dollar, unless it is during their siesta time.
I was in my backyard, preparing my annual St. Patrick’s Day BBQ, when suddenly I noticed the unusual smell of refried beans and pork brains and tongue wafting through the air. These are smells that I have become accustomed to while visiting the many states of Mexico, like Argentina and Italy, but never in my private home within a gated community. I felt, due to being the head of my neighborhood watch, that I should investigate the foul stench, and what I found was shocking. I had stumbled upon something devious and horrifying that I felt I should share with all of you now.
Below, I will list some ways that I have been able to identify, subdue and deport these illegal Mexicans that attempt to portray being a white human:
1. Let’s start with the most obvious one. If your neighbor appears white, but is wearing a sombrero or poncho or both, they are a bleached skinned taco muncher and should instantly have “La Migra” called on them. These items of “clothing” are traditional attire of illegals. However, some of them, with intelligence above La cucaracha have figured out to ditch that attire so as not to be instantly arrested and deported. If you do see somebody wearing these items though, they are 1000% guaranteed to be an illegal and you must report them.
2. Their smell is a dead giveaway. If you approach your new neighbor to offer them one of your wives fresh baked pies, and you smell any of the following scents, immediately call your local I.N.S.: Tequila, beer, cigars, refried beans or nacho cheese. These scents are synonymous with illegals. We all know how much the Mexican dictator Fidel Castro loves his cigars, so in homage to him they all smoke them also, even the children. Tequila was created in Mexico to help workers get to sleep during their bi-hourly siestas that are required by the government there. In the Spanish-American War, many Mexicans were too drunk to fight us because of tequila, so we were easily able to take back our property stretching from Texas over to California. (Sidenote: some Mexicans still believe they own those parts of our Country) Refried beans and nacho cheese can be a difficult one to detect, but if you avoid places that are not owned and run by true White, Christian Americans, these scents will be as easily detectable as Muslim Terrorist curry to your nostrils. The hardest scent to detect is beer though. The problem here is, most beers smell the same on a person’s breath. It doesn’t matter if you drink a Guiness or a Bud Light, the scent of your breath is the same. However, once someone drinks a Mexican beer, the scent is very noticable, like cat urine in a clean house. Be vigilant with cleansing your nostrils daily so you can catch these predatory animals that are attempting to steal our country. If you find yourself suffering from a cold, you can use another strategy also. While doing your nightly Neighborhood Watch patrol, if you suspect someone of being an illegal, go through their garbage and recycling bins. If you see taco wrappers, Tecate or Corona beers, Patron or Jose Cuervo bottles, or nacho cheese containers, then you have an illegal there. Approach with caution.
3. If they are soccer fans, they are obviously illegals. This should go without saying. No American likes soccer. If your neighbor invites you over to watch a soccer game, deport him back to Spain. Even worse, if he invites you over to watch a football game, and it turns out to be a soccer game, you probably have a gay Mexican on your hands and you should deport them, then take a bath in bleach and have yourself prayed over by your entire congregation.
4. If your neighbor has more than two children, he is probably a secret Mexican. All proper humans know that more than two children will over-populate the Earth and cause us all to starve to death, but Mexicans reproduce faster than rabbits or Irish Catholics married to a Chinese. The gestation period of a female Mexican is between 4-6 months versus the proper White female’s of 9 months. This causes Mexican families to grow exponentially. The elder Mexicans don’t die off before at least 7 generations of children are born. A typical normal white human family will only have 1-2 generations born before the elders die off. If your neighbor has introduced you to his great-great-great grandmother and 1700 other relatives living with him, you have a secret Mexican neighbor.
5. If your neighbor does his own yard work, you’ve got a secret Mexican. Every normal human over the age of 18 hates yard work, so if you notice your neighbor trimming his hedges, pulling weeds, raking leaves or cleaning gutters, you need to get him and his family removed from America. Real men enjoy mowing their own lawns to relax sometimes, but when you work a real job, it can be tough to get to it, so you hire a legal Mexican to do it for you. When you see your neighbor doing all of his own yard work constantly, and not hiring someone else to do it every now and then, you obviously have a secret Mexican neighbor. If you see them taking their family out in the car, and they all come back covered in berry stains, that is a major clue too. Giant bags of oranges along with cardboard signs in their trunk is also a major tip-off.
I hope these tips have been helpful, and I hope you can help us all lower the illegal population by acting on these tips.
Have a great day, and stay safe.