• Hands-Free Whopper Holder, Humanity Reaches new Low

    May 16, 2013 9:55 pm 0 comments

    Burger King in Puerto Rico announced a Hands Free Whopper Holder. The nominal device is in ‘media darling’ phase and will soon be tested in locations all around the world. When you see the device and think of the increasing belly girth of all Americans, this is almost a sad point of humanity’s history: this is where it all really started going wrong.

    It truly is bad enough that we are too lazy to at least eat fresh ground beef or veggie burgers, cutting up fresh product and bread to get decent sustenance for ourselves. But this thing looks like a hog trough: this is what you would put on your horse during a storm, so he could eat some nice grains and stray calm instead of spooking.

    If we are too lazy to physically hold a burger, taking just a second to not look at the Facebook wall of mundane events for the 400th time in our day, then maybe we deserve to just be cattle and wear these new devices. It really is depressing, because you know it is true. People will likely try it out because it frees up the hands to use a tablet or smartphone more, with the added bonus of no smearing.

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    About The Author
    Cadence Appleton Cadence Appleton is a managing editor for Christwire.org.

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