As the Fourth of July approaches, some saucy artist has decided to imagine our founding fathers as pinup girls. I wish I could say I was joking, but Benjamin Franklin is protruding his back and arching his back, like an old-school Raquel Welch making you nervous in the knickerbockers.
Next, James Madison chooses to get flirty with the cute college girl in the cubicle over nail-biting maneuver. Men starting college next year, do not think that nailbiting is so innocent: she just wants free lunch during her study break.
Hamilton just needs a pole to match that expression. Women who pose like this are usually named “Sunshine” or “Candi” and work at places named the Jolly Rancher. King George probably imagined all the colonists looked like this.
Damn girl, dayummm.
Thomas Jefferson reminds you of Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. So enjoy having that childhood memory ruined, as Gaston tries to feel-up a founding father while a shaggy bear does his best to get her to undon herself in his chambers.
There is nothing moral or right thinking about George Washington having some junk in the trunk.
John Quincy Adams is striking Blue Steel here. If there was a Silver Daddy role for Zoolander 2, I would actually want to demand this be the look.
And just when we thought it could be fun, Madison and Hamilton are flirty anime girls. Someone in Soviet Russia or a very anti-American cave hideout in Afghanistan is secretly liking the snot out of this one on Communist Facebook.
Now they are posing for money.
And the artist put Hamilton in the infamous poopy-squat pose, renown for making fans of the ol SN2 mechanism, the backside attack of organic chemistry lore, stamp their feet and claw like a cat in heat.
Want more Hamilton and Founding Father fun? Check out the blog Publius-Esquire.