Andy Sixx stands erect as frenzied by the throbbing sounds of Jinxx’s guitar crescendo and wafting marijuana throw the airs of Colorado, a pack of wild college co-eds clamor for their chance to have a public “Biersacking” on stage with the modern day Ron Jeremy in Corinthian leathers, Andy Biersack.
As I investigated things to warn you about today, I was not shocked to find my old sparring buddy Andy Biersack is still inventing new ways to make female fans flock to him this summer. After I exposed him in the now world renown parental warning Is Your Daughter Suffering From Andy Biersack Obsession Syndrome?, Biersack feigned injury and immediately went into hiding. He claimed he was injured after falling off a stage last summer, but he was actually embarrassed after thousands of parents and college deans worldwide responded and forbid any college aged students from attending his dangerous little concert raves.
But with a new summer upon us, we find Andy Biersack is once again smearing his face up with LSD laced mascara and using his Satanic prowess to snare the mind of weak and gullible men and women. Biersack has grown beyond throwing secret EDC (Ecstasy Drug Concert) festivals at night and is now full-out, luring innocent women with his siren call in broad daylight.
Somehow, this vampire has gained the ability to stand in direct sunlight and as we can see by the photograph from his Instagram, he is not even sparkling under the Sun’s power. Perhaps he drank the blood of an innocent virgin or some other dastardly ritual, but he’s back and Biersacking has to probably be the most dangerous, powerful and pregnancy inducing scheme he’s come up with to date.
Biersacking, A Danger To The Collegiate Womb
As you read this article, Andy is Biersacking young women at the Warped Tour in Denver. Our field reporter Richard Jones reports seeing at least 10 women throbbing gristled right on stage, as the marijuana dazed crowd cheered and screamed like they were at Spring Break in Tijuana.
I called the Denver Memorial Hospital to see if there were any reports of sudden pregnancy and the medical PR person there confirmed it was true. She said there were reports of college women ‘getting Biersacked” and then waking up, loose and with hazy memories of loud, horrible music, Andy Biersack making an ‘O-face’ and a bunch of fans chanting some sort of weird demonic phrase over and over again.
This weekend alone, over 25% of college women in the Denver area have purportedly dropped out of university for the coming semester. Officials report that the consensus seems to be ‘pregnancy’ and the Warped Tour, namely the Biersacking sessions, are the primary culprit.
Once innocent college woman wildly grabs a power tool at a Biersacking concert to remove the chastity belt her father had placed on her, to ensure she made it throw college morally intact. Released, she will soon be another Black Veil Bride of Andy.
This almost sounds occultist and the fact that it is happening in broad daylight should concern husbands too. Is your wife really out shopping this weekend, or is she vying for Andy Biersack’s affections at the Warped Tour, trying to feel like she is young and in college again. Biersack has a song called, “(I’m A) Free Spirit” and part of the lyrics go:
“Though through the years life has sent you packing, stretch marks from pregnancy and youthful zeal lacking, this weekend you proud moms out there, capture your youth and come secretly Biersacking.”
This anthem is aimed at the 20 to 30 year old moms who are trying to recapture their youth. Andy Biersack is tempting them with a weekend of ‘secretly recapturing their youth’ by sleeping with a youthful, buxom ‘rock star’, himself. Married women like your wife will go in hopes of recapturing their youth, but they are just victim’s in Biersack’s vampire spider web of lies. He’s just going to thrust them rotten and have his way with them, maybe even getting them pregnant again and leaving you to raise the little Renesmee sinchild like it was your own.
Andy Biersack exposes his tongue Gene Simmons style and shouts to the heavens as he is pleasured by some young woman who is Biersacking him. You can see the shadow claw of Satan appear on his face as this is taking place.