Secretly Warm Bedroom Eyes: Gays now have a Google GlASS technology that can allow them to secretly ogle and take video footage of you relieving in the porcelain and then uploading the video to Grindr and other scary sites, so they can all get their jollies.
New York, New York – Three years ago, I was the victim of a gay eye attack. I was at the mall’s food court with several friends, when suddenly I needed to relieve myself in the men’s room. As I unzipped myself and prepared to make splosh in the porcelain unit, a man suddenly sidled up next to me and whistled, “Whew whew, I like what I see here.” I was midstream and could not retreat, but could only awkwardly turn my body so he couldn’t get as good an eyeful.
Again, he whistled and propositioned me, “Whew, what a looker,” he said. I demanded he leave and he fortunately did, but the damage was done. I felt so emasculated and ashamed. A victim of an eye attack, I did not have the courage to tell my friends and eventually had to join a support group to get over the trauma. With that story in mind, I am absolutely terrified of what gays are going to do when they get their hands on Google Glass.
The biggest concern about Google Glass is that it will allow anyone to disguise their surveillance and record, 24 hours a day. What if that man in the restroom stall had Google Glass? He could have just mounted the unit on his head and I would have thought they were simple glasses, but he would have had a live stream of me feeding into his page on Grindr. Imagine the shame when a friend on my Facebook linked me the video, and all the comments of gay men self flagellating and commenting about my member: horrible!
Google Glass “Polar Bear”, red and flustered in excitement as he posts the image of his ‘glistening goods’ for all the world to see.
Gay people are naturally eccentric and social, meaning Google Glass’ capabilities will be fully exploited by their social circles. In the image above, we can see a prototype user is taking a picture that certainly has the gay community wildly stamping their feet and arching their backs like a cat in heat, as he shows off his ‘polar bear’ body, freshly wet with waters that flow cold like the arctic waters of Alaska.
It’s no coincidence that his skin is shining a bright salmon pink in the midst of all this, because he is getting a thrill knowing that all of us innocent people were forced to get an eyeful of his Twitterings on our feed. Even beyond those thoughts, another Google Glass application, made by the software designers of Grindr, has ‘Tag a Gay’ feature. When activated, the Google Glass unit will ‘highlight’ targets on the street as gay or not gay. The concept was thought up on Reddit.com and quickly built into the Beta Version of Google Glass.
The Google Glass Grindr app now calculates probabilities based on things like posturing, hair-length/coifing, dress and mannerisms. It then gives you a ‘most likely’ type of gay you are dealing with, as seen in the screenshot from a probable gay’s Google Glass above.
Note how the faces of women are automatically X’d out, but most men are analyzed. In the photo above, only one man is showing no gay tendency, the others have been rated. We see a: Twinkie Pie, a Jalapeno Cocktail, a Lady Dude, A Gay Husband and a Silver Daddy.
I personally think the one on the bike should have qualified as a potential Power Bottom, exercising his glutes to be in prime condition for his secret profession, but apparently my gaydar is not as keen as the Grindr tag-a-gay app.
But that’s just the thing: what if this app tags me or you as potential prey for the gay owner, then like a cat with predatory sense kicked in, he makes it his life mission to groom you until he is able to consume your innocence in a night of shameful passion. That is what this app is going to lead to: gay neighbors hitting on us moral men, trying to weaken our resolve until the goals born by their Google Glass Grindr app unit are revealed. And who wants to live in a world with that type of fear?