Even though 3/4 of the World has repeatedly called for the 2014 Winter Olympics to be removed from Russia and placed in a more Godly Country, like America, the Russians seem to have convinced everyone that they aren’t a Global Terrorist Organization again and will be hosting the games in 2014. As one of the most racially tolerant writers on Christwire’s staff, I was given the duty of figuring out what these Red Devils were up to this time. As the great Senator McCarthy and the greatest President, Ronald Reagan, warned us, the commies from the USSR will stop at nothing in order to destroy God’s Country of America.
Recently, the constantly drunk Russians released news that they would send the Olympic Torch to space. With this news spreading to other countries, everyone must become extremely terrified of what will happen. It is bad enough that America has allowed these Vodka swilling types to travel to space, but allowing them to take the Olympic Torch there with them is just plain stupidity, and must be stopped.
The Olympic Torch is a symbol of unity between all the Countries of Earth, and allowing a country that consists of bearded women, mail order brides and drunks to shoot that symbol into space has the possibility of destroying all of the World Peace that America has created in the past few decades. How can the rest of the world sit back and allow the commies to steal our symbol of love, trust and sportmanship, and take it to outer space? Have we all grown so apathetic about the world around us, that we will allow this to happen? This is like buying a brand new Mercedes Maybach, and handing the keys to the nearest black drug dealer who is obviously high on cracked coke-canes. We need to stop this immediately.
After months of investigating, I finally uncovered the true plot that these Vodka on ice Bears have planned in 2014. These heathens plan on using the symbol of Trust and Fairplay against the Space Station that America built. Yes, I know it is called the “International” Space Station, but we built it. America has allowed any of the Sub-Species of the World to use our Space Station, as long as they can get to it. Most can not get to it, so we have felt secure… until now. The Russian have figured out that by bringing the Olympic Torch to the Space Station, they will suddenly be able to hold our Space Program hostage until we give them the secrets of landing on the Moon. Just like how you can’t smoke in a Hospital’s ICU because all the extra oxygen will cause a major explosion, the Russian figured out that by bringing the Olympic Torch to our Space Station, they can hold us all hostage and keep us from destroying the Moon and collecting our H3. Great President Ronald Reagan is rolling in his grave right now, causing earthquakes in California, trying to wake us up about this Red threat from the Icy lands of Vodka and free bread. The Russians plan to light the torch once they are on board our American Space Station, and blow it up. This will set us back over 20 years in our Space exploration program, and they know that Dictator Obama killed NASA, so there is no hope of rebuilding it.
We must immediately contact the White House en masse, and tell Obama to send bombs of nuclear love and freedom to Russia in order to stop this nefarious plan of theirs. Putin needs to realize that we are not to be trifled with, and even though Obama scraped NASA, we are still going to colonize Mars and harvest the H3 from the moon. Join with me and boycott the 2014 Winter Olympics definitely, but there is still time to force them to move it back to God’s Country of America. Let’s petition the IOCC to return the Olympics to the Country that created them, America.
God bless you all, and have a safe day.