Cats are the harbingers of a civilization’s demise. Just look unto Egypt of old, a land where proud pharaohs saw the construction of history’s great pyramids and oversaw vast kingdoms of wealth, right in the heart of an arid desert. The achievements of ancient Egypt were not enough to overcome one great beast: the cat.
Cats are duplicitous by their very nature and woo you with cute purrs, front paw massages and little antenna ears that flicker about when you tease at them. But do not be fooled: these creatures are here for the express purpose of dumbing down our civilization, so it will fall faster than Lohan’s skivvies at Mardi Gras.
With that image in your mind, let us look at this new breed of pussy cats.
These poodle cats are officially called Selkirk Rex, which looks and sounds enough like Skrillex for me to cringe when I think about this cat meowing while in heat. You’ll notice that the fur is fluffy and coarse, like a French Poodle. This cat is groomed by the breed’s standards and with its beefy 80s styled hair, it is ready for memes, Reddit posts and to make you waste time looking at them all and then sharing it to your Facebook.
I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I think the Chinese superscientists are behind this cat. They know Americans tend to have an addiction to the internet and for some reason, many people in this country cannot get enough cat humor in their lives. They talk about the little vermin nonstop and it is probably from toxoplasmosis brainwashing, the very same thing Skrillex and other ravers use to get people addicted to their horrible music.
You will note that all these Selkirk Rex cats are absolutely horrible with their teased, over processed 80s hair. I cannot help but thinking of Rod Stewart when looking at the poodle cat to the right. Reports indicate the breed first appeared in the US in 1987, inside a shipping crate from China.
When the customs officials tried to capture the cat, it hissed and ran away into the Seattle area. A couple in the area allegedly found the cat and named her Miss DePesto, and not much more was said of the incident. Now that the filial generations are afoot however, we can see this was a very slyly calculated ploy by the Chinese to have a little four-legged rogue infiltrate America during the internet’s burgeoning age, and now that we have nearly mastered global communication they make a grand appearance?
I think the coincidence is all too much.