Yelp has invented a new technology called “Wordmap” that allows you to track down or avoid anything you want in a city. By simply clicking on a phrase, a heatmap glows red showing the hotspots for where those particular individuals are hanging out. The tech will purportedly grow to include all cities.
While this technology is assuredly a nightmare in the hands of people like Paula Deen, others have already put it to its most important use: finding the hotspots and hangouts for hipsters and yuppies in our society.
In New York City, for example, Yelp has shown the epidemic of Yuppies and Hipsters is high. It seems all five boroughs are infested with this new rat vermin, their highest concentration being around the Williamson bridge near the East River. We can see another clutch of them seated around 7th avenue and a growing sphere of ironically tight jeans, coffee sipping and Apple iPhone wielding influence growing on Hudson street. We can rest assured that the yuppy influence in these regions mean there are no really good delis, but instead douche overpriced bistros where a basic pb and j sandwich will cost you upwards of $30, and you can only use your parents credit card to buy it.
As expected, San Francisco is packed with plenty of douchey residents.
What is terrifying here is the sheer volume of hipsters and yuppies right at the core of the city. They tend to reproduce and spread throughout the colder, wetter winter months, so by next spring we can expect their families to branch out and buy more three walled bungalows closer oceanside.
It remains unconfirmed if George W. Bush is trying to Bogart this app to track down terrorists.