Trumann, Arkansas – A terrifying, impromptu savaging carried out by a dog is being hailed as a victory by a rag-tag troupe of lesbians in Arkansas.
Poinsett County reports a Trumann man woke up early Monday morning to find his new Bichon pet dog was eating one of his testicles. The man was paralyzed from the waist down and confirmed to police he was sleeping when the incident took place.
According to reports, around 7:45 on Monday the man awoke to a unusual “‘burning pain’” that centered about his mid-section. Like most civilized people, the man sleeps in the nude and he noticed his put sneaked into his bed and was laying between his legs. As his eyes adjusted to the morning light, the man then noticed the “‘small, white, fluffy dog’” had blood on its muzzle and front feet.
Alarmed, the man quickly worked himself up in bed and inspected his body. That is when he noticed that the dog “had eaten one of his testicles”.
The man took the dog in three works earlier, when the stray was in proxy to his home. The man reports he did not have the dog immediately vaccinated and he did not know if the dog had any prior vaccinations.
Reporters to the scene rallied for police to euthanize the dog, which they did, and the dog will be tested for rabies at the Arkansas Department of Health. There are dogs who can ‘detect’ cancer and given this dog’s behavior, it would seem he may have found a growth in that region and instinctively barked into the man’s groin region until he got a CT scan to confirm it. This is normally what a dog would do, but to bite a man down there? Unprecedented. Well, unprecedented before the year 2009.
All across the American South, there have been increased reports of dogs ravaging a man’s holy storehouse of America’s future. Dogs have been taken in by sympathetic people and in the dead of night, owners have been awakened to only find the worst: the dogs are biting off their testicular fortitude.
This attack in Trumann matches the M.O. the dogs have used in prior encounters. Lesbians will take in five or six puppies, slowly grooming them to hate men and to give them reward-based behavior for mauling the crotchett area of manly musk-scented dummies they lay on their beds. The dogs are quickly brainwashed to think that women are superb, but men deserve to be bit in their fleshy storehouse of life.
The lesbians are then organizing and casually dropping these dogs off around: baseball fields, the gym, burger joints, bowling allies, the weekend beach and bars, fraternity houses, all places where single men can congregate.
The dogs are all trussed up, smeared in dirt and cat’s urine to make them seem desperate and lonely. They are given IV drops to make them shiver with coldness hours before they are dumped. The lesbians likely have them microchipped so they can see whose going to be their victims.
Though surely traumatized, the man will be taken to Saint Bernards Medical Center where he should make a safe and complete recovery.