• Female NFL Fans Furious Over New League’s Anti-Purse Laws

    August 19, 2013 11:31 am 2 comments

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    More Obama-era tyranny has ravaged another American past-time: NFL football. Female fans who want to go watch a game this year are in for a big shock: body scanners and purse bans.

    The Obama Administration has coerced the NFL to ‘tighten up’ security measures against potential terrorists who would use the venue of an NFL game to make a demonstration and bring tragedy to one of America’s favorite games. Due to this, the NFL was forced to not only make women subject to ‘crevice body searches’, but also to ban all purses from NFL games.

    Denver Broncos fans squeals with angry fervor as a elated Sports Authority Field at Mile High employee searches her nethers for items of terror.

    Women who do bring their purses to the front gates of a game will be considered possible terrorists. They will be forced to submit their purse for an inspection and if it passes inspection, the purse will be stored in a ‘safehouse’ until the game is over or the woman will have to leave the stadium. There is no ‘leaving it in the trunk of my car’, as that is considered stowing a possible item of terror.

    The woman who brought the purse will then have to submit to a ‘full body cavity search’, by the guards who can be either male or female. And what qualifies as a purse? That definition is at the discretion of the guards, who are largely comprised of former TSA agents.

    This NFL preseason, women are already being subjected to the searches and one woman — who was actually a Broncos cheerleader — is pressing charges following an invasive search by two agents.

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