Bold. Sassy. Flocking. Cute. Feathery and loud.
These are all words that describe ducks, and when you think of a group of gay people having a good time, gaggling and sashaying about with plumed feather hats and molehair suits, wildly eating healthy grain products as they excitedly plan a vacation to South Florida for the winter, you may find these words describe gay people too.
Phil Robertson, the patriarch of duck hunting, knows a thing or two about ducks. And to know a thing or two about ducks, as we can see, is to know a thing or two about the gay lifestyle. And by that logic, if you are infatuated with duck mating, calling and hunting, you are quite possibly an expert and patriarch connoisseur of the gay lifestyle.
That being said, it is not the place of Christians to harshly judge gay people for being gay. Pope Francis said it best: “It is not my place to judge.” Why? Because if a man wants to bojangle a man in his Mario pipe, let the salamis fly! If a woman wants to Find Nemo within her partner in crime, so be it. Adults all have the right to have romance each other.
One cannot say people like Ellen Degeneres and Portia di Rossi, or George Takei and his man don’t have a right to be in love, have a happy family and bring joy to their family and friends as a couple. Until a person can accept that fact, they cannot approach a person with the same open heart as Christ who dined with prostitutes and politicians.
That said, there is a very true saying my Tante Olivia used to say: if it acts like a duck, it quacks like a duck, it is a duck.
If you watched Duck Dynasty, or at least looked at the show’s lead characters, you should question a bit the culture from which these guys may come. In some parts of the country, you will find that folks just don’t take kindly to many things, including Progressive Christianity, let alone Progressive Liberalism. Phil Robertson may fit the bill, no pun intended.
And these people will let you know that they do not take very kindly to it. I don’t know if you ever sat down in Capitol Hill to hear our politicians debate, but they are just as strongly opinionated as Phil Robertson. Many of them do not like gay marriage, many of them do not take kindly to Affirmative Action and things like the NAACP. Sorry if you have been shielded from this reality, but America is a true melting pot of different ideas that somehow manage to get along well enough to have a functioning country.
And it is my belief, and the belief of our forefathers, that there is one thing that allows us to be so different, and yet function: The First Amendment.
The fact that laws like DOMA exist is proof that there is someone using their First Amendment rights to say “Hey, gays should not marry” in Congress. The fact that someone who is supporting DOMA in Congress means there are a bunch of people who voted them into office. Why gay-marriage supporters are flipping out, stark raving mad, over a guy who is good at making duck sex noises instead of using their enraged social media frenzy to politically lambaste politicians supporting DOMA and controlling law on the matter is truly a comedy of errors.
At the end of the day, Paula Dean can expertly share delicious pie recipes that will probably destroy your pancreas. And you know, no one can arouse a duck quite like a quacking Grandpa Phil. While we may question the morals and lifestyle of people like Paula Dean and Phil Robertson, they do have a base of people who like them for what their profession, not their personal lifestyle.
Back in the 1990s, there was a man named Bill Clinton who many liberals regard as a fine president. He balanced the US budget, avoided wars and lead a strong DC charge to increase the amount of minorities in politics. He now leads a global initiative aimed at improving living conditions, business and commerce and communications in Third World Nations.
He also got a sloppy blowjob while he was married. Many people expressed outrage that Clinton would dare forsake marriage and cheat on his wife. Others brought up more dirt on the Clintons, including some choice words they have used about certain minorities. But at the end of the day, the court of public opinion ruled something quite simple: who gives a damn, his actions were inconsequential and he had a wright to get a sloppy Tootsie Roll shimmy from his intern. Duck Dynasty is likely a fake, inconsequential show as is.
And that is what I say about Phil Robertson and Paula Dean. I may not agree with them, but they do have a right to say whatever they want. They will have to be adults and deal with the public outrage, but they will also have support. That is how America works.
The take home message of it all: just respect everyone’s right to free speech. That is also the cardinal rule of the Bible. Free will.
Bill Clinton getting leggy with Al Gore.