Buy a zombie proof condo to keep from all the terrifying bath salt zombies popping up.

A man named who was mugged became an accidental savant. Somehow, the key to becoming a superhuman may rest upon the ability to soak in punches and having the brain rework itself. As we approach the 20-year-anniversary of the Rodney King beating, this story is very timely. Those officers of [...]

Macon, GA – Area doctors are reporting that former golf superstar Tiger Woods is still in God’s hotseat.  Sometime yesterday while at a driving range, locals report they saw a ‘brilliant’ flash of light descend from the heavens and toward a green turf from where Tiger Woods was belting out [...]

Birth control.  Obama wants America to pay for every woman to access to birth control pills and Obama wants America to pay for everyone woman who wants to use abortion as birth control to have a procedure as well.  This lose-lose situation has left many conservatives reeling, including our friend [...]

The English Crown still has strong affinity for exploiting the countries south of America.  Newest reports indicate Prince Harry was caught covorting with local women in Belize, using them to ‘sow his royal oats’ and dancing all about the town. Surely in 9 months the city of Belmopan may be [...]

Toronto, Ontario – Grocery store products reveal that Canadians have Japanese-esque homosexual tendency.  In this marketplace, a winebag of milk displays “Tastes like Homo”.  Canadian locals admit their milk has a thick, salty and yet intestinally musky consistency about it, with a splash of mango, and to that is known as [...]

Python Eats Deer in Florida, Terrifies the Locals EVERGLADES, FLORIDA – Shock and awe in Florida after a nearly 16-foot African ball Burmese python hybrid was found slithering around a fresh water plant.  The python was seen by workers and reported to authorities, all after one water management contractor failed [...]

Colonel Gahdafi has been killed. New Transition Council (NTC) reports that their forces killed Gahdafi, though lingering reports state that a US airstrike crippled Gahdafi’s caravan and commanded Libyan ground forces to an area which happens to be where Gahdafi was living and hiding, in a sewer hole. The War [...]

California’s drug problem has been long known to America.  During the 1980s, President Ronald Reagan fought hand-to-hand through the ghettos of Los Angeles, taking down crack dealers left and right.  The War of Watts is long remembered as the day Reagan lead CIA operatives in a massive burning campaign to [...]

Editor’s Note: Thousands of angry emails from confused readers and homogays are pouring in, stating protest and questions against the allegations. Please calmly google “Santorum” and look at the top search result. You will see the top result is a shocker and you need to know why.   In an [...]

There used to be a point in time when cell phones were the tools of the working.  We would use these mobile devices to inform our boss if there was a traffic delaying us from getting to work on time.  We could give the wife a quick call to see [...]

photo credit: JoeInSouthernCA As we continue to chastise Congressman Anthony Weiner for his Twittering escapades, we have overlooked one important thing. Should we also be attacking the women who decided to look at underwear pictures and illicit messages from a married man? [poll id=27] Sure, Weiner is a sheister. He [...]

[poll id="24"] There is a man named Jon Stewart and he is a danger to America.  How many of you today think it is okay to celebrate a person who kills cops?   How many of you go to the AMC Movie Theater to cheer for the villains and hope that [...]

As time progresses, so does technology and its access to your precious child.  Does your teen son or daughter have a hip new Android or Apple iPhone?  Can you monitor their every move on these phones, to ensure they are not part of the new Batman sexting or vajazzling Facebook [...]

7 years ago the sensibilities of America were assaulted by a brash display a flesh.  Janet Jackson, a performing sibling of the famed Jackson Five Family, took to stage with a young pop singer known as Justin Timberlake.  Unknown to all families watching the Superbowl, a terrible sight would meet [...]