Articles by: Pat HeinkelPat Heinkel
Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat

Iran Responds to Argo By Selling $1 Bootleg Copy in Streets, Force Ben Affleck To Shave His Beard

February 26, 2013 11:38 am6 comments
Iran Responds to Argo By Selling $1 Bootleg Copy in Streets, Force Ben Affleck To Shave His Beard

Iran wants war with America. Today they have further proved this fact by attacking our new golden boy Hollywood director, Ben Affleck. Affleck won movie of the year for his direction of Argo, a story about how American freedom is for all the lesser countries. Argo takes a painful look [...]

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Serena Williams Tempts David Letterman in Tight Red Dress, Should Lose Olympic Gold Medal

August 23, 2012 1:48 pm6 comments

Serena Williams should lose her Olympic gold medal for being a flussy on live television.  In this video, look at how this ‘role model’ has shined up her legs with Egypt oils, fluffed out her hair to make it all exotic and then become Chris Deburg’s Lady in Red.  She [...]

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Russian Emosexual Punk Rockers Finally Arrested for Hooliganism

August 18, 2012 5:44 pm4 comments
Russian Emosexual Punk Rockers Finally Arrested for Hooliganism

Shame, heaten ravers, shame! The Russian high command put the ravers Pussy Riot behind decontamination glass as they’ve been littered with musty sins after years of partying hard on the club scene. Russia courts finally charged this nasty band with ‘hooliganism’ and we can only hope this is the first [...]

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$99 Xbox 360 Subsidized By Obama, Boofers Nationwide Rejoice

May 4, 2012 3:23 pm4 comments

Obama’s amazing march of socialism reached its zenith today after the government announced $99 Xbox 360 will be available for the unemployed.  The Xbox will come with a Gold Live account, meaning that the jobless can now fully live like teenaged children off from school during the summer. Irate taxpayers [...]

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Anne Graham Lotz Brings Message of Christ’s Return to Earth

April 9, 2012 3:09 am0 comments

Anne Graham Lotz, the daughter of Billy Graham, is a beautiful woman of God. In this wonderful message, Anne Graham Lotz tells us confidenly of the day when Christ will return to Earth, to set all wrongs right and call everyone home to heaven. As Easter 2012 passes, it is [...]

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Whitney Houston Has Just Died

February 11, 2012 8:59 pm1 comment

Our sources report Whitney Houston has just died. Cause of Whitney Houston death has not been confirmed at this time. More details as they emerge.

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Sinful Man Shocked When Prostitute Turns Out to Be His Daughter

December 4, 2011 8:14 pm5 comments
Sinful Man Shocked When Prostitute Turns Out to Be His Daughter

Dear friends, pornography is drugs for the mind.   These words from Pastor Jack Gould’s perennial sermon on fidelity shall always remain true. . When you allow images of perversion to fill your person and psyche, it perverts the natural desires that God has planted deep within you, to be shared [...]

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Atheists Create Land Walking Octopus to trick More Children into Bogus Evolutionary Beliefs

November 23, 2011 10:25 pm37 comments

If there were one word used to describe atheists, it would be ‘deceptive’.  Atheists are people who use all sorts of bogus and flattering word to describe themselves and their fascist movement to destroy religious freedom in America. One of the biggest lies of atheism has to do with evolution.  [...]

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Italian Diver Shows Ability to Hypnotize Sharks by rubbing ampullae of Lorenzini

October 22, 2011 3:49 am3 comments
Italian Diver Shows Ability to Hypnotize Sharks by rubbing ampullae of Lorenzini

An Italian diver showed her ability to put sharks into a trance-like state.  This should definitely not be tried by anyone but a trained professional who knows exactly what they are doing.  This shark is over 10-feet-long and ordinarily could put a nasty bite to your flesh.  But this diver [...]

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Overreaction to Amber Cole Video? Hip Hop World Community Certainly Thinks So

October 18, 2011 12:36 am13 comments

A disturbing video is allegedly making rounds on the internet and parents must beware the whereabouts of their responsibilities at all times. The news of a mystery media of great sickness has alarmed parents and make them wonder if their child could be next. The power of instant communication is [...]

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Libertarians Make Bad Life Guards

October 14, 2011 3:34 am7 comments
Libertarians Make Bad Life Guards

One of the newest tactics from the left is instigating a terrible falsehood:  all Republicans are cold, heartless people who are modeled after a quack named Ron Paul. Dr. Ron Paul is a gynecologist who believes people without health insurace should be left to die, the federal government needs no [...]

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The Real Reason Wall Street Protest is Taking Place: Video

October 12, 2011 5:36 am6 comments

The Wall Street protestors are growing in numbers and their agenda has grown very clear. It’s very interesting that we’re seeing such things like: Demonstrators who Storm DC Senate Office Building; Arrests Made… WALL STREET PROTESTERS MARCH ON BILLIONAIRES’ HOUSES… Rapper attends wearing bling… Kanye also wearing $355 GIVENCHY shirt… [...]

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Are Vegans Behind the Listeria Cantaloupe Outbreak

October 8, 2011 6:58 am16 comments
Are Vegans Behind the Listeria Cantaloupe Outbreak

Listeria.  It is the terrifying new outbreak that’s ripping through America and causing more furor than the H1N1 swine flu and deadly avian bird flu, combined.  As we sit at the precipice on the always health-weakening cold and flu season, we must be wary of all new pathogens and from [...]

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Fox News’ Juan Williams Talks Being Fired from NPR

6:01 am9 comments

One of the growing concerns in media today is the continuing manipulations of reality by left wing pundits. Media is to be a place of social discourse and debate, not of one-sided views. While people like Jon Steward and Stephen Colbert have the raunchiest of jokes praised, heaven forbid if [...]

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To The Rescue: Obama Mans Hurricane Response Center

August 28, 2011 12:56 pm2 comments
To The Rescue:  Obama Mans Hurricane Response Center

Washington, DC -  President Obama made sure he was in position to save New York from torrential floodwaters and chaos as he took the to the National Response Coordination Center.  With no background in meteorology and with the US economy flagging, Obama gave America reassurance that the coming hurricane would [...]

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