Egyptian President Morsi has just declared himself a New Pharoah, boasting sweeping new powers that include glowing eyes, invincibility and ability to make others bend to his will with just a shake of her serpent staff. Such powers are terrifying and immoral, yet somehow after nearly 2,000 years the Egyptian [...]

St. Pete Beach, FL – Chris Christie rolled into Tampa Bay early Tuesday morning and instantly started blowing his heated words all over the Democratic platform.  Not one to be outdone by a little hurricane, Christie immediately started in on California Governor Jerry Brown, saying the ‘retread’ is a failure [...]

During the last week Americans proved that a restaurant’s stance on gay marriage is a crucial aspect of the dining experience. While the Food Network rushes to deliver contrasting shows like Queer Plate for the Gay Date and Non-Gay Texas Steak this upcoming fall, to trap both demographics, some restaurants [...]

A Kentucky father allegedly left his son in the sweltering heat for two hours, leaving locals angry and calling for all sorts of mob-talk vengance. According to local sources, Kenneth Robinson, aged-31, was arrested after leaving his two-year-old son in the back seat of his unbelievably hot car.  The man was allegedly at work at

ABC News is reporting another victory for morality and normalcy in America.  The Heterosexual Movement has finally achieved the workplace right to fire suspected gays for liking gay things on Facebook. Today’s headlines detail how Peter TerVeer, aged 30, was put under the thumb of morality by his boss at [...]

This is what it sounds like to have a true Republican president in office. Listen to the brilliant setup of Reagan’s joke against Democrats. Jon Stewart and friends could learn a thing or two from the Ol’ Teflon Gipper.

Things have been better for former superstar Lamar Odom.  As expected by many, the former Laker’s star has now been dropped by the Dallas Mavericks. It was decent that the team waited until after Easter to dump Odom, something that the Kardashian women would never do to the former superstar [...]

When Obama was running for president, he made it clear he would be starting Charlie Manson’s wet fantasy of Helter Skelter.  Helter Skelter was a socialist Beatle’s song where the British group fantasized about an America torn apart by racial wars, thereby making England the most powerful country on Earth [...]

Team Coco invited Aziz Ansari and naturally, semi-funny songs where quickly belted out in the interview. Aziz met the newly divorced Seal (popular for singing Kissed by a Rose on Batman, and being the Ebony to Heidi Klum’s ivory). The funniest thing about this is Conan’s forced laughter and Aziz [...]

A new children’s television show named “Punk’d” is airing on television tonight and it is nothing but a bullyfest of mean pranks and tricks to make good people cry and be embarassed. It’s no surprise that two children we fought to keep moral are hosting the show.  It must be [...]

Tempers are stirred in Washington, DC, as a visibly heated and furious Santorum went on the attack today. Mitt Romney is known for his smug immaturity and it apparently reached all new lows today. A campaign staffer of Mitt Romney warned Rick Santorum about his name was being smeared in [...]

Ron Paul is at it again.  After losing 68 members of his ‘Paul’s Posse’ militia group after a stand-off with federal troops in Columbia, Missouri, a recently bailed Paul is full of undaunted energy as he continues his campaign of dismantling America as we know it. Paul’s newest platform is enticing [...]

Columbia, Missouri – Ron Paul Backers were arrested today as they awaited the return of the Mizzou Tigers, the backwater college that was heartily defeated in the NCAA tournament by the Melo-less Syracuse Orange. With his campaign numbers waning and struggling, it’s said the the Ron Paul backers planned to [...]

Finally, we are starting to make some progress against the gays. Their movement has been making strong strides against us: the right to adopt OUR heterosexually created children, the right to destroy our institution of marriage and the right to infiltrate our military. The time has come for us to [...]

What do you get when you mix the modern vampire movement and emosexual actor Johnny Depp with a sin-stained sitcom from the 70s? Dark Shadows. Famed movie producer Tim Burton is revamping the British dramedy as a new movie that will make the “Brady Bunch” a “perverted bunch of incestuous [...]