America’s most arrogant couple have run into trouble recently. After the Tribal rapper named Kanye West impregnated the Arabian Princess known as Kim Kardashian, the world has waited for the proverbial “poop” to hit the fan, and it finally did. On May 15th, Kim Kardashian finally followed through with her [...]
Mysteries Revealed
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Justin Bieber’s “AIDS Rumor” Confirmed
After a horrible week for Justin Bieber in England, rumors have been spreading that he is having a breakdown. Those...
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God Creates 12/12/12 to Let us Know Obama is Twice as Bad (2 x 666)
God has once again turned to mathematics to give the world a clear, divine sign of a great danger to us all. Mathematics...
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Scientific Proof: Bill Nye, The Mommy Jeans Chaser
Once of the achedemons of scientific wizardry is named Bill Nye, the science guy. Every day, Bill Nye tricks kids...
99% of murderous rampages by women are performed outside the kitchen.
Every year, Americans begin to notice more and more of a tragic trend among women. The female population is slowly straying from the special place God intended them to be placed: the kitchen. Women may want to think twice about leaving their cozy and beloved kitchens when they find this [...]
Read more ›Bath Salt Zombie Apocalpse: 2 new Attacks in Atlanta and China
Police Officer Ross Hancock, of the Gwinett County Police was the first to arrive at the Atlanta Golf Center on Beaver Ruin Road. He said Laventure was running all around the range, through a nearby pond, half naked, out of his mind. Hancock’s partner first pulled his pepper spray. Hancock said of the zombie, “He didn’t even wipe his eyes, he just kept them open.”
That’s when the officer pulled out his Taser and the zombie went down, but then got right back up! “We had to Tase him approximately five more times on scene to get him down. It took several officers to hold him down to get him cuffed.” Hancock adds.
Read more ›Did Carly Rae Jepsen Hide Evil Messages In “Call Me Maybe”?
We need to keep our young ones away from the influence of Wizards and Satan. It’s a crying shame that I have to even say that in God’s America.
Read more ›Is Adventure Time A Gateway Drug To LSD, Homosexuality and the Rave Lifestyle?
A new audience for animation has arisen. As we can see in cases like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Phineas and Ferb, Japanese anime and mangay, South Park and Family Guy, children’s shows are being viewed primarily by a frightening new audience. Typically, lazy oafs in their twenties make [...]
Read more ›Why Fan Fiction is Possibly The Most Lethal Threat To Your Heterosexuality
While we moral Christians are off at Church, at work, at school or on Christwire, there is a dirty subculture lurking on the internet. We all know of the threats of Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook and Myspace on our youth, but there is something even more sinister than the threats of [...]
Read more ›The Hunger Games: A Barbaric Socialist Saga of Impending Obama-Sanctioned Doom
Every so often, a radical pseudo-intellectual decides to write about some problem they have with America, making great use of tactics such as hyperbole, perjury and hypnotism. George Orwell’s 1984, radical commie propaganda, designed to denigrate Watergate. Marx, radical commie propaganda, designed to denigrate capitalism. Harry Potter, radical commie propaganda, [...]
Read more ›What is One Direction, And Why Does It Make God Mad?
In the past while, we’ve seen young American ladies begin to embrace a new harlotry, a dangerous side to themselves. Everyone from Mikey Cyrus to that birth control abuser in the news, Sandra Fluke, has gained an unhealthy level of sexual rage. They may find themselves flailing in the sight [...]
Read more ›Is My Favorite Politician a Latent Homosexual Or Is He Just Really Charming?
I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus lately because of my Santorum campaigning and the obnoxiously cold February weather. The homosexual love of Valentine’s Day as well posed a threat to my health and well-being, so I haven’t been as up to date as some of my fellow writers [...]
Read more ›Is My Child Engaging In Oral Sodomy?
In a world full of angry liberals, flashy homosexuals and jolly fat men obsessed with technicolor ponies, it’s no surprise that many of our more misguided youth are engaging in unGodly intimate procedures. However, it hasn’t been this bleak in American schools since the 80s. The sinning is getting even stranger and much more macabre.
Read more ›The Vatican Announced Greatest Miracle since Our Lady of Fatima!!!
The children claimed the lady promised to reveal her identity to them at high noon on 13 October in a field called Cova da Iria.
Read more ›Is Tumblr Stealing The Souls of Your Children?
Tumblr is a dangerous website on the interweb that your child may be lurking on. As the most popular blogging platform on earth, it has lured many young teens into its clutches. Unfortunately, it harbors an extremely homoerotic leaning and contains dangerous media that children of any age should be exposed to. It is extremely malicious and will steal your child’s feelings, replacing them with sexualized isolation. Your child may become robotic and obsessed with gay porn. Tumblr is a predator, a predator gaining in liberal popularity.
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