99% of murderous rampages by women are performed outside the kitchen.

July 19, 2012 10:07 am15 comments

Every year, Americans begin to notice more and more of a tragic trend among women.  The female population is slowly straying from the special place God intended them to be placed: the kitchen.  Women may want to think twice about leaving their cozy and beloved kitchens when they find this [...]

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Bath Salt Zombie Apocalpse: 2 new Attacks in Atlanta and China

July 3, 2012 10:05 pm41 comments
Bath Salt Zombie Apocalpse: 2 new Attacks in Atlanta and China

Police Officer Ross Hancock, of the Gwinett County Police was the first to arrive at the Atlanta Golf Center on Beaver Ruin Road. He said Laventure was running all around the range, through a nearby pond, half naked, out of his mind. Hancock’s partner first pulled his pepper spray. Hancock said of the zombie, “He didn’t even wipe his eyes, he just kept them open.”

That’s when the officer pulled out his Taser and the zombie went down, but then got right back up! “We had to Tase him approximately five more times on scene to get him down. It took several officers to hold him down to get him cuffed.” Hancock adds.

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Did Carly Rae Jepsen Hide Evil Messages In “Call Me Maybe”?

June 26, 2012 8:40 am51 comments

We need to keep our young ones away from the influence of Wizards and Satan. It’s a crying shame that I have to even say that in God’s America.

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Is Adventure Time A Gateway Drug To LSD, Homosexuality and the Rave Lifestyle?

April 5, 2012 3:01 am141 comments
Is Adventure Time A Gateway Drug To LSD, Homosexuality and the Rave Lifestyle?

A new audience for animation has arisen. As we can see in cases like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Phineas and Ferb, Japanese anime and mangay, South Park and Family Guy, children’s shows are being viewed primarily by a frightening new audience. Typically, lazy oafs in their twenties make [...]

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Why Fan Fiction is Possibly The Most Lethal Threat To Your Heterosexuality

April 4, 2012 1:59 am115 comments
Why Fan Fiction is Possibly The Most Lethal Threat To Your Heterosexuality

While we moral Christians are off at Church, at work, at school or on Christwire, there is a dirty subculture lurking on the internet. We all know of the threats of Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook and Myspace on our youth, but there is something even more sinister than the threats of [...]

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The Hunger Games: A Barbaric Socialist Saga of Impending Obama-Sanctioned Doom

March 21, 2012 12:02 pm202 comments
The Hunger Games: A Barbaric Socialist Saga of Impending Obama-Sanctioned Doom

Every so often, a radical pseudo-intellectual decides to write about some problem they have with America, making great use of tactics such as hyperbole, perjury and hypnotism. George Orwell’s 1984, radical commie propaganda, designed to denigrate Watergate. Marx, radical commie propaganda, designed to denigrate capitalism. Harry Potter, radical commie propaganda, [...]

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What is One Direction, And Why Does It Make God Mad?

March 13, 2012 4:21 am41 comments
What is One Direction, And Why Does It Make God Mad?

In the past while, we’ve seen young American ladies begin to embrace a new harlotry, a dangerous side to themselves. Everyone from Mikey Cyrus to that birth control abuser in the news, Sandra Fluke, has gained an unhealthy level of sexual rage. They may find themselves flailing in the sight [...]

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Is My Favorite Politician a Latent Homosexual Or Is He Just Really Charming?

March 12, 2012 3:46 pm9 comments
Is My Favorite Politician a Latent Homosexual Or Is He Just Really Charming?

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus lately because of my Santorum campaigning and the obnoxiously cold February weather. The homosexual love of Valentine’s Day as well posed a threat to my health and well-being, so I haven’t been as up to date as some of my fellow writers [...]

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Is My Child Engaging In Oral Sodomy?

February 15, 2012 2:06 pm82 comments
Is My Child Engaging In Oral Sodomy?

In a world full of angry liberals, flashy homosexuals and jolly fat men obsessed with technicolor ponies, it’s no surprise that many of our more misguided youth are engaging in unGodly intimate procedures. However, it hasn’t been this bleak in American schools since the 80s. The sinning is getting even stranger and much more macabre.

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The Vatican Announced Greatest Miracle since Our Lady of Fatima!!!

February 12, 2012 12:41 pm12 comments
The Vatican Announced Greatest Miracle since Our Lady of Fatima!!!

The children claimed the lady promised to reveal her identity to them at high noon on 13 October in a field called Cova da Iria.

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Is Tumblr Stealing The Souls of Your Children?

February 6, 2012 12:26 pm64 comments
Is Tumblr Stealing The Souls of Your Children?

Tumblr is a dangerous website on the interweb that your child may be lurking on. As the most popular blogging platform on earth, it has lured many young teens into its clutches. Unfortunately, it harbors an extremely homoerotic leaning and contains dangerous media that children of any age should be exposed to. It is extremely malicious and will steal your child’s feelings, replacing them with sexualized isolation. Your child may become robotic and obsessed with gay porn. Tumblr is a predator, a predator gaining in liberal popularity.

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