By Mark E. Figs I’ve used my immense bravery to prepare this liveblog for all of you faithful Christwire readers. Enjoy this holy coverage from the filthy, filthy land known as Charlotte. 9:39 PM – Speaker Bob King is lying about Obama using Chinese sorcery in order to boost the “U.S.” [...]Read more ›
By Mark E. Figs (Obama’s true colors) A week after Mitt Romney solidified his status as the greatest Presidential candidate of all time, the Democrats convened in North Carolina for their quad-annual celebration of homosexual interracial sex orgies, abortions and welfare. The Democrats trotted out their usual lineup of overtly loud, obnoxious ethnics [...]Read more ›
Tampa Bay is spared and not struck by Hurricane Isaac, GOP Convention creates passover miracle. Another ancient styled miracle has taken place at the new age Holy of Holies, the GOP convention. Hurricane Isaac is bearing down upon America, but there is one city that was spared. Just like the time [...]Read more ›
In a shocking change of stance, Paul Ryan came out with vehement support of abortion in cases where ‘orange-tinted, talentless Oompa-Loompas spawn seed and destroy hope for the future of humanity.” By no coincidence Snooki gave birth only hours before. Just a week after offending true Republcans and giving snarky Democrat [...]Read more ›
Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello loves Paul Ryan, proving that the GOP candidtate for Vice President of the United States is popular for the young voters. According to Morello, Paul Ryan is ‘the embodiment of the machine’ that their music stands for. In this age of elitist Democrats, [...]Read more ›
As if the placement for Iran was not grounds enough for a war, today our friend Matt Drudge caught Mahmoud Ahamadinejad jonesing for a war with America by daring to threaten our eternal friends, Israel. Without Israel, there would not be an Old Testament or Bible, so it’s natural that [...]Read more ›
[dropcap]A[/dropcap]dorned in fabrics of emerald and gules, Barack Hussein Obama manifests his power to create a Satanic solar flare, in the palms of his hands. Obama is doing this to intimidate Mitt Romney and moral voters away from the polls this November. As predicted in the Bible, Obama is [...]Read more ›
Our friends at Fox News have dug deep to uncover the truth about Barack Hussein Obama. I warned you all never to trust him because his middle name is Hussein! For it is written: Matthew 7: 15 – 20 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing [...]Read more ›
Let’s keep it really simple here, folks. John Holmes is a sadistic killer who plotted a horrific tragedy that has touched far too many innocent lives. Every day in this country we proudly label a black man slinging crack or shooting someone an instant thug or killer. Even if he [...]Read more ›
Why Sean Hannity was smiling in an interview with a man convicted of shooting an unarmed teenage boy is beyond me, but in this world nothing really surprises me anymore. But there is one quote that really stands out to me from the Sean Hannity interview: When Zimmerman was asked [...]Read more ›
1. Get a job There is no better icebreaker for Mitt Romney than letting his stance be known. Romney needs to be honest and stop beating around the Bush. NAACP, tell your people to get a job. America cannot afford to give free healthcare, food and housing to people who [...]Read more ›
The Supreme Court passed ObummerCare, forcing many hardworking, perfectly healthy Americans to purchase health care, otherwise they’ll be taxed. This is another attempt by the Supreme Court to destroy America.Read more ›
The Democratic Party is what happens when teenagers refuse to grow up. The same kids you remember from childhood who refuse to wash their hands after using the potty, like to look up a women’s skirt, don’t like to do work but want to eat free Doritos all day, think [...]Read more ›
The vast majority of Americans really don’t think about Canada that much. Why would they? Isn’t it just an arctic wasteland, sparsely populated by uneducated hunter-gatherers who sit shivering in their igloos smoking marijuana and arguing about the price of beaver pelts? Well, yes it is.Read more ›
As Miami suffers through a Second Zombie Attack, America has to ask ‘How much did Obama and the Center for Disease Control (CDC) know? When did they know and why didn’t they tell us of the very real danger’?
That’s right the zombie plague has spread across America. Yesterday, Brandon DeLeon, a North Miami Beach man, was arrested by two North Miami Beach police officers. Once in jail, he growled at officers, banged his head repeatedly on the holding cell, and tried to eat one officers hand. Officers believe he was under the influence of a synthetic drug, such as Bath Salts.