HIV Cure ‘Within Months’, What Does This Mean for Christians?

May 2, 2013 3:08 am22 comments
HIV Cure ‘Within Months’, What Does This Mean for Christians?

HIV To Be Cured Within Months As seen with former NBA superstar Magic Johnson, HIV can be controlled with strong cocktails of expensive pharmaceuticals. But even if Magic Johnston stopped his medicinal regimen, the reservoir of virii in his blood stream would explode and exponentially increase in viral load, eventually [...]

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Earth Permanently Deformed, Chilean Earthquakes To Blame

April 29, 2013 6:55 am5 comments
Earth Permanently Deformed, Chilean Earthquakes To Blame

Calama, Chile (Christwire) – Abe Goodman reporting Earthquakes are amongst nature’s most destructive forces.  By the shifting of Earth’s tectonic plates so carefully placed 6,000 years ago, we see the earthquake force can move buildings, cause sinkholes and even change the face of continents. To put the power of a [...]

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Newest Gay Bowel Disease Confirmed: Meningitis

March 24, 2013 12:27 am13 comments
Two homogays catching diseases in a gay bath house

New York’s Health Department today announced that if you engage in homosexualist backside dallying, you need to be vaccinated for meningitis. This adds to the already long list of Gay Bowel Diseases caused by the sinful act of poo-pushing. For years, we at Christwire have warned of the consequences of [...]

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Pokemon has a bird-flu cock snot problem

March 19, 2013 9:26 am140 comments
Faint hope: A Pokemon possibly dying of bird flu yesterday

IT’S no secret that Pokemon is the most vile, sadistic and insidious animal-fighting game ever inflicted on an entire generation of impressionable children. Even now, it could be breeding a whole new legion of Michael Vickses who think that it’s perfectly fine to force dogs to fight to the death [...]

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Should Cats Be Arrested/Jailed For Huffing Catnip?

February 27, 2013 11:29 am189 comments
Should Cats Be Arrested/Jailed For Huffing Catnip?

As any cat owner can tell you, felines have an almost human quality and understanding of life.   It is not uncommon to find cats opening a cabinet to obtain their food, or after observing a human using the ‘potty’ for enough days, to take the task on for themselves. Cats [...]

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World Shocked By Ugly 2014 Jeep, Reddit CSS HTML Coders To Blame

February 23, 2013 11:24 am22 comments
World Shocked By Ugly 2014 Jeep, Reddit CSS HTML Coders To Blame

From the people who brought you the Pontiac Aztec and the most liberal site on the internet, a new design for the Jeep The html designers behind the socialist website Reddit.com somehow won a bid to design the new 2014 Jeep.  Consumer response to the 2014 Jeep has been nothing [...]

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Proof That Cats Were Not Created by God

December 29, 2012 2:21 pm177 comments
Proof That Cats Were Not Created by God

Unlike all other animals on Earth, cats are unholy and born with natural sin.  From the time it comes clawing from its mother’s womb, a cat is a reprehensible beast who represents the worst qualities that humanity can imagine:  social welfare mooching, clingy, remarkably germy, defiant, ungrateful and unChristian.  With [...]

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The End has Begun – Start Drinking Now!

December 21, 2012 12:53 pm12 comments
The Headlines don't lie.

  Have you noticed it’s a little darker than usual outside? It’s no coincidence that the Winter Solstice is on a crash course collision with The End  Days as predicted by Mayan Time keepers. That marks today’s sunrise on  12-21-2012 as the official Dawn of Destruction, it is upon us [...]

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Golden Eagle Tries To Snatch Baby, Drops Goats Off Cliff Instead

December 19, 2012 12:14 amComments Off
Golden Eagle Tries To Snatch Baby, Drops Goats Off Cliff Instead

Golden eagles may be the most rotted, dicked animal on Earth. Cats are bad, but golden eagles are worse. At this point, I usually use words to bring detail into my thesis, but today we only need to turn to youtube to see how evil this animals truly can be. [...]

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Drugged Driving Causes 50% Increase in Traffic Accidents, Colorado Stoners and /r/trees to Blame

December 12, 2012 6:30 am9 comments
Drugged Driving Causes 50% Increase in Traffic Accidents, Colorado Stoners and /r/trees to Blame

Denver, Colorado – Only weeks after the powerful Reddit /r/trees political lobby flexed its muscle and forced Democrat lawmakers to push for marijuana legalization in ‘at least two “green” states’, the number of traffic accidents and fatalities in Washington State and Colorado have sharply increased.  New studies released by the Family [...]

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Catfish Walks on Land to Eat Pigeons

December 7, 2012 2:03 pm14 comments
Catfish Walks on Land to Eat Pigeons

The beaching catfish is the latest threat to Creationist teaching, as we can clearly see in this video. The fish has somehow learned how to beach itself in shallow water, nearly ‘walking’ on land so that it can eat birds. Atheists are naturally hailing this as proof of evolution, citing [...]

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