THE year is circa 560 to 540BC. The book is 2 Kings. The weather is apocryphal. Elisha, the hard-working prophet of the Christian god, is shuffling up the long and dusty road to the ancient near-eastern town of Bethel. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, comes a gaggle of hard, rough, [...]
God Kills Giant Whale in Malibu, Blows Stench Over Town to Punish Celebrities for Crappy Hollywood Movies
God is finally weighing in on the issue of Hollywood making horrible, thoughtless movies as of late. Only hours after...
Disney studios, having worked with many people in the past who were openly homosexual admits that they are a “gay...
If you Read the title this is obviously about music that most of christwire hates. Bands Such as Black Veil Brides....
There is a government-funded Satanic-Homosexual propaganda program aimed squarely at America’s impressionable toddlers and preschoolers! This program is Super Why!, and it is broadcast 5 days a week across the country. At first glance, it seems like an ordinary educational program. The premise is benign: four good friends solve problems while at the same time introducing children to reading. Almost from the opening scene, though, there are layers upon layers of Homosexual and Satanic propaganda.Read more ›
While we moral Christians are off at Church, at work, at school or on Christwire, there is a dirty subculture lurking on the internet. We all know of the threats of Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook and Myspace on our youth, but there is something even more sinister than the threats of [...]Read more ›
The scene above from the gay pride movie Zoolander depicts the gay act of gas guzzling, an action now being reproduced in mass and sending the nation’s gas prices skyrocketing. $5 dollar gas in your city? Gays are to blame. Gas guzzling. It is the latest trend being popularized by [...]Read more ›
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I myself have never been one to repeat such a statement as i know this phrase to be anotomically incorrect. The heart is in no way directly connected to the stomach. I felt it a useful starting point [...]Read more ›
“chrisTwire asks” is a new regular feature where we ask underwhelming Americans questions about subjects that may interest or challenge them. Most of the topics and questions are user submitted. If you would like to suggest a topic or question, feel free to submit one via Facebook, email, or if [...]Read more ›
One of the most common justifications that Christians employ for the persecution of homosexuals is that homosexuality is a choice. “By actively choosing it,” they say, “they have condemned their souls to Hell.” Well, I’m a Christian, and who knows what happens to your soul if you’re gay? I sure [...]Read more ›
Fifth Grade Students Caught Playing ‘Rape-Tag’ a Dangerous Trend Spreading throughout our Public School System
“Our hands are tied,” said principal Sprung adding “there’s very little we can do, notifying the parents is about it.”Read more ›
I was outraged to see this joke about unicorns and Noah’s ark. Noah took two of every animal created by god in the garden of eden 6,000 years ago. Unicorns are abominations and were never created by god, worse still in this they talk which is completely against the will of god, [...]Read more ›
Any Good Christian knows that God created the world. God created the world perfectly, with Moral Americans giving him emotional support; with Canadians, Europeans, Australians, Asians and Blacks to laugh at; with hipstersexuals and emosexuals to present him with a fun challenge, basically they’re the villains in his video game; and a labyrinth known as the countries and continents completing it for his own personal enjoyment. However, the incessant liberals dispute this, arguing that we can’t prove the existence of God and that it simply happened as a result of the Big Bang. Ignoring the fact that the theory is a double entendre that seems to want us to believe that a bunch of particles are engaging in an orgy, that’s illogical, to steal a quote from my fictional nemesis Spock. Something cannot come from nothing.Read more ›
That’s right emosexuals. I have been telling you that these emo band leaders are all evil people out for one thing. Your money. You all have told me “No, Susan you are wrong. Andy BVB and Wacky Radke love me for who I am, why can’t you”. Well here we [...]Read more ›
When you picture terrorists, you picture islamists with stolen uzis and hand grenades running into a government building of this Christian Nation. But there’s a more subtle type of terrorism going on in America. Yes, terrorism of the mind. That, we can mainly credit to the hipstersexual movement and traitors like Obamney who tolerate or motivate them.Read more ›