The female reproductive cycle is a mysterious beast, one born within women after Eve fornicated with Satan’s scepter in the garden of Eden. With her body defiled and after tricking Adam to eat of the forbidden fruit, God had no choice but to allow women to suffer for the majority of their life with cramps, but with this, came also the residue of Satanic influence upon the realized sexuality of [...]
Christwire’s research team is the finest in the world, but this time they have outdone themselves. Kudos, guys and gals in our research department, for dropping on my desk such a gem that will save so many Christian girls from becoming rapists and losing their place in heaven. A new scourge has appeared on the Christian radar: a new homogay act meant to be played out between an unsuspecting young [...]
If you are reading this you know what the Internet is. It is an open network of websites accessible by anyone used to communicate throughout the world. What you may not know is that this isn’t the only ‘Internet’. There is also a hidden one, right underneath your very noses that you can only access if you are one select few who is privy to the secretest of homogay codes. [...]
Recently, the research team here at Christwire has brought a disturbing trend to my attention: police all over the nation have been noting that when arresting sodomizing liberals for possessing child pornography they have noticed that 98% of them have also been ‘Trekkies’. It even extends to foreign lands, as during a sting in Toronto over 3 and a 1/2 years, every single person arrested was also found to have [...]
In the last few hours, our research team has uncovered breaking news. It seems that MTV star and homogay actor Steve O was warned three times then banned from posting on his fan page because of homogay references. The heathen, better known for being gay on television and getting attention from it, apparently went crazy and posted all kinds of gay stuff on the social media website earlier today. This [...]
Avoid cell phones Cell phones only attract Satan. Giving your child one to carry around, even if it’s just for emergency use, is too much temptation. A lot of cell phones these days come pre-programmed with homogay phone-sex line numbers in the speed dial. Carriers such as Verizon, which actually had a gay man as their spokesman for over ten years, push the gay agenda through their services. Phone makers [...]
My friends, today I write after an interesting discussion following this week’s Taco Tuesday at Dukes. Several friends and I table merged with a group of neighbor’s friends, trying to save space in a crowded restaurant. During the course of the meal and table talk, an interesting topic came up: anal intercourse. Now it is known the best policy for anyting is abstinence, outside the confines of marriage. But what strikes [...]
Watching the NBA playoffs on TV yesterday, I noticed that all the Africans were wearing Caucasian Band-Aids. I could not figure out why, so I decided to investigate the issue further. Liberals Johnson & Johnson, the manufacturer of Band-Aids, is a well-known typical liberal company that supports ObamaCare. It creates a large percentage of its corporate profits by keeping minority classes in poverty so the liberal politicians in their pocket [...]
Welcome to the newest pool of salvation here on Christwire, Advice From Super Conservative Alex.
In civilized society of old, masturbators were ridiculed and looked down upon. People saw masturbation as a pox and something that caused blindness, fishy smelling fingers, and hairy palms. However, Satan has been hard at work in changing the mind of man. Recently, masturbation has been labeled “okay”, “cool” and “acceptable” by the hipster liberal agenda. They hope to use masturbation to desensitize people to the point they believe the [...]
When you croak, where will you go? This is an important, memorable question that can be asked to many people. Within our lives, there are choices we make that can lead to life or death. If one of your friends develop a drug addiction, you would tell them that if they do not stop smoking their crack rock or marijuana, it will collude to lead them to a point of [...]
Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker, innocently accepted a call from whom he thought was a conservative supporter, but in fact was a poe-holer. Because conservatives and fundamentalist have a built in immunity to poe-holing, much has been written and reported regarding the 20 minute conversation between the Wisconsin governor and Ian Murphy, editor of Buffalo Beast. While the threat of being poe-holed is miniscule for Chris†ians and conservatives, it is prudent [...]
Auburn University school officials have confirmed that urine from the drunken co-eds during the last celebration January 10 has been identified as the “herbicide” that will likely kill the Oaks trees of historic Toomer’s Corner. Officials also commented that the urine was deliberately applied in lethal amounts and there is little chance to save the trees. The trees have been the traditional gathering place following a major sports victory for [...]
The recent surge in marijuana advocacy across the United States has caught many social conservatives off guard. In states like California and Massachusetts, proponents of so-called “medical pot” are opening the door to a much larger push to decriminalize cultivation and personal use across the country. At first this movement appeared to be a grassroots effort, yet as time passes it is becoming increasingly obvious that this is a well-funded [...]
For unemployed Christians watching the SOTU address, the mocking tone and beady gaze of the Commander and Chief and liberal messiah as he talked about WTF solutions to unemployment in the United States of America was a cold reminder of the second place citizen status of Christians in Obama’s America. Many of Obama’s solutions were clearly anti-Christian biased to benefit the liberal elite with their science degrees and liberal leanings [...]
