My White Christian American friends, I have just this morning become aware of a threat to our very society, a threat that could potentially cripple us irreparably. That threat is contractions. Now, before all you feminesbians out their get your tampons in a tizzy, I am not talking about labor contractions. I am talking about grammatical contractions. You see, this morning I was sitting on the john reading the morning paper when I was struck by an apostrophe. As you [...]