Tampa Bay is spared and not struck by Hurricane Isaac, GOP Convention creates passover miracle. Another ancient styled miracle has taken place at the new age Holy of Holies, the GOP convention. Hurricane Isaac is bearing down upon America, but there is one city that was spared. Just like the time [...]

John Mayer and Katy Perry have already broken up, but some juicy drama totally went down before Perry called it quits with John for being too ‘douched’. In a classic move not seen since Delilah turned Samson’s once brawny body from Arnold Schwarzenegger to noodly Gilbert Godfried by cutting his [...]

Pit bulls attack car to protect family from killer kitten.

Everyone knows the attributed quote: “This is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Neil Armstrong is a true American and a spirit whose legacy will live on. Today Neil Armstrong died but his legacy will never be dead. Armstrong represents an era of bravery where modern [...]

(chrisTwire)— Many of you have noticed that several of us regulars have been absent. Between summer speaking engagements and the Olympics we have been very busy. But now that summer is winding down and our American athletes have dominated all the Asians, communists, and socialists in the London games proving [...]

It has been brought to our attention over the past few weeks that there may or may not be undetected instances of sarcasm on ChrisTwire. For those of you not familiar with sarcasm, it is an atheist weapon that infiltrates God-loving discussions posing as genuine concern. It then proceeds to [...]

BREAKING NEWS… By Rev. Billy Ray Sunday <chris†wire> Tonight the Smith family of King City, California are asking for your prayers and the California Highway Patrol is asking for your help. Around 7:15 p.m. a hit & run driver collided with two pedestrians at E. San Antonio Drive and Broadway Street [...]

Growing up there was no such thing as “hate speech” so you couldn’t get arrested for calling an Asian person a Gook. No one would’ve considered calling the police because some Nancy-Boy got called a Fag. Nor would the cops have taken time from their busy routine just to go deal with a name calling incident.

The notorious rapper known as Snoop Doggy Dogg, sometimes refered to as the “Father of Rap”, has finally seen the light of the Lord. Tired of advocating the dangerous hallucinogen marijuana and trying to convince innocent children that disrespecting women with unmarried copulation and shooting nice people for their stereos [...]

The CEO of the Jim Hensen company Lisa Henson severed all ties to the funamental Christian company known as Chic-fil-A and stated “we are big supporters of the gays getting married” she then went on to explain that as a supporter of equal rights, all women in the Jim Hensen [...]

Thanks to a tip from Brother Delco. Dogs are a man’s best friend.  It has been that way since God created everything some 6,000 years ago.  Adam asked God to make him helpmeet in the Garden of Eden, and he said, “God, give me a good companion.”  God messed up [...]

If you are planning on seeing the Dark Night Rises, don’t. It is a terrible film, I wish I had seen Ice Age instead.  The entire movie centers on Bruce Wayne and his older husband, Alfred, breaking up and getting back together at the end. I hardly ever got to [...]

During the last week Americans proved that a restaurant’s stance on gay marriage is a crucial aspect of the dining experience. While the Food Network rushes to deliver contrasting shows like Queer Plate for the Gay Date and Non-Gay Texas Steak this upcoming fall, to trap both demographics, some restaurants [...]

Chick Fil-A has found a way to cure gay in black people. It can take the dantiest of black chocolate and turn it into a heaping pile of chocolate thunder. Mr. Gay Black 2011, Antoine Dodson, is a man of great distinction.  Many remember how he valiently saved his sister [...]

Abe’s Juicyed Hollywood Gossip Please send your juiced Gossip Tips to holymailbox@christwire.org, ATTN Abe Goodman. Promiscuity is the central tenet for the Twilight fan vampire cult.  Even though the Twilight movies are far behind us, author JFK Rowling has surely left a major stain on the bedsheets of America’s future mothers.  [...]