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    Award-Winning ChristWire Writer Marcos Figueroa Passes Away in Plainfield Car Accident

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    It  is with grieved hearts that we announce the loss of a wonderful writer, great friend, loving father, unique comedian and irreplaceable soul, Marcos Figueroa.  Marcos ‘Marky Figs’ Figueroa passed away early this morning after a traffic accident on I-55 in Plainfield, Illinois.   According to CBS Chigaco, the accident took place after the car he was driving became disabled and was struck at highway speeds by a semitruck.  He was lifeflighted to an area hospital, where he passed away.  Marcos was 26. Marcos Figueroa gained critical […]

    Not a care in the world: "Lycra lout" cyclists aren't doing enough to help the global energy crisis.

    Is it time to ban bicycles from our streets?

    by Arthur Durry - View all comments

    IT’S no secret that cyclists are the most annoying, irresponsible, anti-social, smug, self-righteous hipster scofflaws on our roads. Whether you’re a pedestrian or you drive a 22-wheel road train delivering new Hummers to the local dealership, you know very well the sinister scourge of the cyclist. These self-styled “lycra louts” are constantly running red lights, knocking over law- abiding women and children while illegally riding on the footpath, failing to come to a  complete stop at stop signs, taking up whole lanes […]

    Who is the real victim here?

    Gays Refused Flowers and Cake… By Jesus

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    Recently, I wrote about a bakery in Portland, Oregon that was being unfairly protested, and now it seems that a Florist in Richland, Washington is suffering the same fate. The woman, Baronelle Stutzman, told her longtime homosexualist customer, of over 20 years, that she could not supply flowers for his illegal gay “marriage” ceremony because Jesus told her it was improper and against his will. This backside diddling gay became irate and smashed every flower in the store due to […]

    With Hugo Chavez Dead, Should America Take Venezuela Oil by Force?

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    America’s secret ally in the oil war has finally succumbed to ‘illness’, most likely caused by esponiage from the Soviets.  Hugo Chavez died yesterday from a rare form of cancer that the KGB is known to inflict upon its politial enemies.  It is no coincidence that the South American strongman died during the reign of Barack Obama, a conspirator in a socialist global agenda to weaken America. As a young man, it was not uncommon to see photos of young […]

    teabag

    Tim Tebow stiffens himself for new thrust; no longer soft on gays

    by Arthur Durry - View all comments

            AMERICA’S most Christian, most heterosexual footballer, Tim “Teabag” Tebow, has stiffened himself for a new thrust in his war on homosexuality. Tebow had recently been accused of going soft on gays after he made a limp withdrawal from speaking at the megachurch of pastor Robert Jeffress, a man renowned for his frothy denunciations of men who play the pink oboe, the rusty trombone and veritable orchestra pit of other wood instruments. But Tebow was only pulling out of Jeffress’s […]

    Will Obama crown himself God in Israel?

    by Arthur Durry - View all comments

    IT’S no secret that Barack Obama has an ego the size of Kenya. After all, it takes a real megalomaniac to wake up one day and say to himself: “Self, I think I deserve to be the most powerful man in the world!” But could Obama be about to go one step further and crown himself as God — the very creator of Heaven and Earth — in the Holy Land of Israel? Christian broadcaster Rick Wiles thinks so. “Obama may simply be […]

    Proof That Beyonce and Sasha Fierce Are Satan’s Illuminati Hand Maidens

    by Abe - View all comments

    After we watched the Super Bowl halftime show, we all could only come to one conclusion.  Beyonce is a hand-maiden of Satan.  For the longest time, our colleague Craige Lewis warned that her husband, Jay-Z, was trying to be the Anti-Christ. There is a song called “HOVA”. It starts out H to the Izzo, V to the Izzy. H is what it is.  Izzo is slang for “O” in ebonic speak.  V is what it is.  Izzay is “A” in […]

    A bit fishy: An Australian tries to rescue a lungfish that had been struck by the Almighty yesterday.

    God smites evolutionist lungfish in new Queensland flood

    by Arthur Durry - View all comments

    IT’S no secret that God hates evolution, so it’s no surprise that He chose to smite an evolutionist lungfish as He smote Queensland with yet another holy flood this week. As Sister Susan has so insightfully reported, God has been smiting the Australian redneck state of Queensland with fires, floods, cyclones and sea foam all year. This plague of plagues  has followed on from the floods of 2011, during which God killed some 40 Queenslanders in his holy rage. Until now, the […]

    God Strikes Hugo Chavez Dead At 58 Photos, Hugo Chavez Esta Muerto!

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Hola mi amigos! Buenvenidos and Ding Dong, for the Dictator Hugo Chavez is dead!  God struck Hugo Chavez dead today with his awesome power!  Let this be a message to all dictators!  If God’s President Bush called you out into the Axis of Evil, your days are numbered! For years Hugo Chavez broke the greatest commands of the Bible, refusing to bow before America’s glory and freely share all the oil in his country with the nation drafted to protect […]

    Gay Teen Worried He May Be Christian

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Vidalia, Calif -  Lucas Faber, aged 18, was like any other young man making the transition from high school to college.  Robust and primed, virile and passionate, excited to spread his wings and fly from home, the fresh buck yearned to make his stake in life as he lived the American dream.  But like most young men, Faber also had some uncertainty in things.  His uncertainty wasn’t on picking a college major, the big break-up with a highschool girlfriend leaving […]

    Should Cats Be Arrested/Jailed For Huffing Catnip?

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    As any cat owner can tell you, felines have an almost human quality and understanding of life.   It is not uncommon to find cats opening a cabinet to obtain their food, or after observing a human using the ‘potty’ for enough days, to take the task on for themselves. Cats are smart, to the point that they can understand law and order.  Cats can maintain and abide by rules of the home.  It is simple to teach a cat that […]

    Iran Responds to Argo By Selling $1 Bootleg Copy in Streets, Force Ben Affleck To Shave His Beard

    by Pat Heinkel - View all comments

    Iran wants war with America. Today they have further proved this fact by attacking our new golden boy Hollywood director, Ben Affleck. Affleck won movie of the year for his direction of Argo, a story about how American freedom is for all the lesser countries. Argo takes a painful look at the fate of six American hostages of Iran, besieged at the US embassy in 1979. The movie is so accurate and proves why America’s war in Iran and taking […]

    Is God the Original Prankster?

    by Arthur Durry - View all comments

    THE year is circa 560 to 540BC. The book is 2 Kings. The weather is apocryphal. Elisha, the hard-working prophet of the Christian god, is shuffling up the long and dusty road to the ancient near-eastern town of Bethel. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, comes a gaggle of hard, rough, flinty-eyed Jewish children. Small they are, swarthy of countenance, aquiline of nose and cruel of intent. Upon espying the hairless pate of the tireless man of God they snicker, nudge […]

    Delusional Atheist Matthew Hutson Believes $1.00 Plus $0.05 Equals $1.10, Disproves God?

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Atheists have gathered in their little coven on HuffingtonPost, a dangerously liberal site ripped away from our late Christian friend Breitbart.  Today’s liberal agenda on the site not only proves why atheism is such a dangerously flawed way of thinking, but also why America’s schoolchildren are falling behind morally Christian nations in test scores. The backstory kicks in with the words of an archatheist author Matthew Hutson showing his abilities to wield Satan’s dark power to brainwash the masses.  With just a […]

    Michelle Obama’s Slutty Oscar Dress Force Iran to Hide Her Bared Shoulders

    by Abe - View all comments

    Michelle Obama continues to embarass America by not acting like a lady.  We all saw her sultry prom photo where she let Neil DeGrasse Tyson get himself a heavy eyescoop of her Nestle Milk Chocolates and probably let him have some YooHoo! time with her later if you get my drift. Then we saw her teaching her daughter to be hip floozies by playing Hula Hoops and then even saw her when she dared touch Queen Elizabeth with her bared […]