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    Antoine Dodson Says “I’m No Longer Into Homsexuality I Want A Wife”

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Lincoln Park, Alabama – Antoine Dodson chose to uncome out of the closet today. In a shocking statement on his Facebook page, Dodson reveals that he is cured of gay and he wants to find a wife. Yes Antoine Dodson, who achieved internet fame via a news blooper that went viral after a musical remix, says he’s no longer gay. Says Dodson in a post on Facebook: I have to renounce myself, I’m no longer into homosexuality I want a […]

    Marijuana Fungus in Capri Sun Respawns Man’s Lungs?

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    The next dangerous evolution of marijuana is upon us. Kush doctors, also referred to as ‘ents’ (ear, nose and throat), have confirmed their latest experiments to grow marijuana in the human lungs as a success. By scraping the trichome fungus of marijuana into aluminum wrapped pouches of Capri Sun, Ents developed a ‘cultivating station’ where marijuana fungus could thrive, hidden to all authorities. Once the curing process (the scrog) is complete, the ents state that their subject ‘chortled’ the packet […]

    God Strikes Midwest With May Snow, Gays To Blame

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    God distributes the weather patterns so as to make a rainbow color appear on meteorologists reports on the 4:00 pm news. God was giving a warning that the following day, he would strike down everyone’s plans for a nice, warm Spring. Only one day ago, the weather in Kansas looked fabulously gay. God gave the symbol of the rainbow on weather charts, giving us a 24-hour warning and clear sign that the weather was about to change. The rainbow symbolizes […]

    Miley Cyrus Racy V For Vajayjay Photoshoot Bends Gender Lines

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    First it was Britney Spears who frolicked about Los Angeles busy as ever, with her best Lex Luthor haircut. Then Emma Watson cut her hair short and decided to shine off her beaver cleaver, confusing all ages of men in the process. Now we see the onus of racy responsibility has fallen upon the noticeably broad shoulders of Miley Cyrus. View this image › Image by Mario Testino for V Magazine View this image › Miley Cyrus is doing the […]

    HIV Cure ‘Within Months’, What Does This Mean for Christians?

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    HIV To Be Cured Within Months As seen with former NBA superstar Magic Johnson, HIV can be controlled with strong cocktails of expensive pharmaceuticals. But even if Magic Johnston stopped his medicinal regimen, the reservoir of virii in his blood stream would explode and exponentially increase in viral load, eventually leading to full blown AIDS. This is the fate of HIV for the most wealthy and fortunate of patients. All can soon change, however, with an announcement by Danish scientists: […]

    Paul Ryan Gay Adoption Bolsters New Conservative Agenda

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Janesville, Wisconsin – With dress sleeves neatly rolled back, revealing tanned, muscular arms earned by hours of faithful devotion to one’s body, Paul Ryan high-fived a gay parent who came to this morning’s Republican Town Hall meeting in Janesville, Wisconsin. Paul Ryan came out today, in support of gay adoption. For years liberals have manipulated the media to make it seem the true progressive party of America, Republican, would never support a child have two mothers or two fathers. Today’s […]

    Obama Tortures A Cancer Child To Draw Attention Away From Gun Control Laws

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    In an act that most people called “Caring” or “Respectful”, Barrack Obama committed treason, hate crimes, and pedophilia in one “Photo-Op”. After all of the torture that the American people have received from the Sub-Saharan Dictator, don’t we deserve a little respect from him too? We sat silent during Benghazi, we didn’t ask to see Osama’s body, we knew that he couldn’t have possibly hired two Russian kids to blow up the Boston Marathon, but now all those things are […]

    Russians Plan To Blow Up America’s Space Station With Olympic Torch

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    Even though 3/4 of the World has repeatedly called for the 2014 Winter Olympics to be removed from Russia and placed in a more Godly Country, like America, the Russians seem to have convinced everyone that they aren’t a Global Terrorist Organization again and will be hosting the games in 2014. As one of the most racially tolerant writers on Christwire’s staff, I was given the duty of figuring out what these Red Devils were up to this time. As […]

    Jason Collins Confesses He Is Gay NBA Player, Should NBA Develop Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy?

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Boston, Massachusetts – NBA star Jason Collins shocked fans worldwide when he announced that he is gay. In the early hours of the morning, Collins could no longer hold his secret. He felt the need to let the grieving city of Boston know that he is a gay man. Traditionaly, it could be said that one’s private life should have no effect on how you are treated on the court. But look at how the liberal media treats people like […]

    Lingerie Firm Selling Women’s Underwear for Men

    by Abe - View all comments

    In the images above, a male member clearly bulges out from female lingerie. These shocking, in-your-face new items will be hitting a store shelf new you. Brisbane, Australia (CWGlobal) – Men who have longed for their loins to be held within the fabric of their wive’s lingerie or panties need to fantasize no longer. A company named HomomeMystere allows men to know what it feels like to be a gussied up woman. Offering a variety of fabric and designs, the […]

    Tim Tebow Betrayed By New York Jets, Cut From Team

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    New York Jets Fans Mourn Loss of Tebow New York, NY (CWGlobal)- In perhaps one of the most shocking moves in sport’s history, the New York Jets have cut the greatest quaterback of all time, Tim Tebow. Tebow is not the greatest quarterback because he is the strongest or fastest; it is not even because he calls all the right plays, is nimble or is not prone to throwing interceptions. Tim Tebow has a factor off the field: he is […]

    Satan Tries To Tempt Young Woman To Be Floozy, She Resists

    by Abe - View all comments

    There is a new movement of young people named The Resistance. They meet every week to tease the devil and make him drool, then they do the right thing. One resister showed how Satan tried to turn her into a tanga maiden and become a protestantute. Look at her knit herself a new holy wardrobe! “so i only wear this bra in the house because it’s too small” “and it, erm, pushes stuff up in a way that makes me […]

    Ellen DeGeneres Turns Kate McKinnon Into Cute Lesbian

    by Abe - View all comments

    Whenever I see a cute, wealthy lesbian, I get depressed.   If I were just a few years younger and not a married man, I would like to court Ellen DeGeneres.  That nice smile of hers and she always is just so generous to the people in her crowd.  And she is funny.  She’d fall in love with me and we’d have all sorts of cute strawberry blonde children. But it is not to be, because Ellen DeGeneres doesn’t like men.  […]

    Tsaernaev Steel Door Prison Placement

    by Thad Connely - View all comments

    Boston terror bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been placed behind a steel door.  The prison location is 40 miles away from where police and American media have condemned the Tsarnaev brothers for planting bombs at the Boston Marathon.  The older Tsarnaev purportedly died when his younger brother ran him over, all as they attempted to elude law enforcement. Tsarnaev was transferred to the federal medical detention center, where he is under constant supervision in a secured room.  Speculation is that Tsarnaev sustained […]

    Earth Permanently Deformed, Chilean Earthquakes To Blame

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Calama, Chile (Christwire) – Abe Goodman reporting Earthquakes are amongst nature’s most destructive forces.  By the shifting of Earth’s tectonic plates so carefully placed 6,000 years ago, we see the earthquake force can move buildings, cause sinkholes and even change the face of continents. To put the power of a small earthquake in perspective:  the first atomic bomb was 10,000 times weaker than a mild earthquake. A new study by the American Geological Association shows that the most recent earthquake […]