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    Mitt Romney 2013: The Case for Returning America to Greatness

    by EzekielAsch - View all comments

    As we draw closer to the illegal inauguration of the Foreign Autocrat, colloquially known as King Obama the First, it doesn’t take a successful businessman to realize that America is in dire straits. Patriots anxiously refresh Drudgereport, clinging to their guns and religion as Obama’s New Black Panthers fan out into various pockets of Real America. Left-Wing media puppets dominate the airwaves, lambasting traditional practices such as Freedom and Liberty, while the unholy alliance of guilt-ridden liberals and undocumented illegal […]

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    New Pokemon X, Y, And Rainbow Versions Reveal Final Legendary Pokemon

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    My Comrades: I’m here to report that a recent release of new pokemon games by Nintendo Studios has all of the fans of the popular game series in an uproar! Nintendo Studios has released the new pokemon games X, Y, and Rainbow coming the late fall of 2013. Parents, this is a red flag to not allow your children and teens to play such reckless and violent actions games. These kinds of games are what turn your children and teens […]

    Justin Bieber: Drug Addict, Twink, Murderer — A Role Model?

    by Mark E. Figs - View all comments

    By Mark E. Figs   How to begin an article about a flamboyant twink man-boy who parades around onstage with the tenacity of Liberace all Popper’d up; a young man-boy who disrespects elected officials enough to wear overalls to a state event, who entices millions of young (often unnattractive) women into wanting his tiny man-spear thrust inside their womb, injecting them with the Lord’s baby batter and creating an unspeakable legion of idiotic cretins? This is how you begin – […]

    Is Jose Canseco A Homosexual?

    by Mark E. Figs - View all comments

    By Mark E. Figs Jose Canseco: MVP of the GayHomosexual Sex League Rippling muscles under tight fabric, the flexing of oily skin conjuring images of a large anaconda thrashing about wildly, a tan hue over the perfectly constructed body mass — I’m not describing hardcore gay “felching”, rather the poetic motion of a Jose Canseco home run swing. In my younger years, while doing some work in San Francisco as part of a anti-gay pro- AIDS awareness coalition, I had the pleasure of watching […]

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    LA Police Find A Body Encased In Concrete

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    My friends, This is a sad day for this poor man’s body found encased in concrete. What a horrible death. I persoanlly send my condolences to the victim’s family and friends. This is truly a horrible crime to do. Who in their right mind buries someone in concrete? Here’s more on the story: SANTA FE SPRINGS, Calif. Police have arrested a 35-year-old man in connection with a body that was discovered encased in a newly poured concrete floor inside a […]

    Kathy Griffin Tries to Give Anderson Cooper BJ Live on TV

    by Amber Vos Savant - View all comments

    Kathy Griffin kicked in the New Year by trying to give Anderson Cooper a bj, live on tv. Cooper rejected Griffin’s repeated drunken woman at a bar antics, taking time to pull out his premade signs made to ward off the big red griffin of New Year’s hedonism.

    Proof That Cats Were Not Created by God

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Unlike all other animals on Earth, cats are unholy and born with natural sin.  From the time it comes clawing from its mother’s womb, a cat is a reprehensible beast who represents the worst qualities that humanity can imagine:  social welfare mooching, clingy, remarkably germy, defiant, ungrateful and unChristian.  With such blatantly bad qualities, it is a shock that any sane people would want to own a cat.  But beyond the simple realities of why cat ownership is bad, there […]

    Biblical Proof That all Americans Have Right to Bear Arms and Assault Weapons at Birth

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    If you are a clean American and reading this, you have the right to bear arms.  You sit in a home or office, perfectly safe and sound.  You do not have to worry about an invading army marching down our sidewalk, cowering and begging for mercy as did the French during Hitler’s invasion.  Every nation on Earth knows that the civilians of America can form a militia army, the same army that defeated the most oppresive empire in Earth’s history and […]

    Golden Eagle Tries To Snatch Baby, Drops Goats Off Cliff Instead

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Golden eagles may be the most rotted, dicked animal on Earth. Cats are bad, but golden eagles are worse. At this point, I usually use words to bring detail into my thesis, but today we only need to turn to youtube to see how evil this animals truly can be. In video number one, you will witness a golden eagle trying to lift a baby off to its nest for a meal. Fortunately, being a complete prick, the eagle drops […]

    WNBA Hires Transgender Men to Make Women’s Basketball More Interesting

    by Abe - View all comments

    The WNBA may finally be watchable thanks to a new potential policy in which transgender men can be allowed to play women’s basketball. The idea is wonderful and I for one fully support the measure. The idea first came about after the success of a woman, Gabrielle Ludwig, on the court.  Gabrielle was born a woman trapped in a man’s body, her 6’6″ frame being a coach’s dream for success. The 220-pound player will revolutionize not only what we think about […]

    Dumbass Reactionary Americans, Stop Giving Away Your Gun Rights Over Sandy Hook Tragedy

    by Joe P. Reagan - View all comments

    Today’s political posturing by the dumbass, reactionary left-wing media and politicians was inevitable. Somewhere in the course of America’s history, there are some slope-browed, Cro-magnon, knuckle-dragging dolts who think that our Constitutional Rights are something to be trampled upon. These are the people who cried foul and swore America was a fascist state at the mere mention of the Patriot Act, but today will march and join Mayor Bloomberg in saying that guns should be outlawed in the nation where […]

    We Are Not Murderers, Mr. Scalia – George Takei

    by Dean Miller - View all comments

    This past Monday, when speaking at Princeton University, Justice  Scalia of the U.S. Supreme Court made a grotesque and astonishing  statement. In response to a student’s question about his  unyielding support of laws that would ban consensual sexual  relations between gay people, even in the privacy of their own  homes, Justice Scalia responded, “If we cannot have moral  feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder?” I know it is not Takei Tuesday quite yet, but the words of […]

    America Must Invade Syria and Bring Destruction of Damascus to Fulfill Biblical Prophecy, By Christmas

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    For It is Written: “This message came to me concerning Damascus: ‘Look, Damascus will disappear! It will become a heap of ruins. The cities of Aroer will be deserted. Sheep will graze in the streets and lie down unafraid. There will be no one to chase them away… and the power of Damascus will end. ” Isaiah 17:1-3 (NLT) Bassar Al-Assad has left America with no choice but to liberate another Middle Eastern country.  Our duty to destroy the extant Kingdom […]

    Obama Pelts Cat with Snowball, Does First Decent Act of Presidency

    by Abe - View all comments

    President Barack Hussein Obama is pulling out all the stops in trying to get us to tax the rich and avoid the fiscal cliff.  Let us be frank here:  it matters not to the wealthy of this country what happens to the poors.  If the middle class economy goes over the cliff, so be it!  It’s about time the bougawahsay or however the French spell that word got the chip off their entitled shoulders.  If you cannot hang with the big […]

    Shocked Hurricane Katrina Victims Still Waiting for Their Awesome Benefit Concert

    by Dean Miller - View all comments

    Seven years after help arrived 3 days too late and the relief program was masterminded by a horse gambler, Hurricane Katrina victims in Lousiana are still waiting for an awesomely giant concert to help them raise money enough to rebuild their less than $50,000 a pop homes. While Katrina victims still wait for a massive concert shown to over 2 billion people, headlining such bands as The E Street Band and Pink Floyd, with the comedic stylings of Adam Sandler, […]