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    Earth Permanently Deformed, Chilean Earthquakes To Blame

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Calama, Chile (Christwire) – Abe Goodman reporting Earthquakes are amongst nature’s most destructive forces.  By the shifting of Earth’s tectonic plates so carefully placed 6,000 years ago, we see the earthquake force can move buildings, cause sinkholes and even change the face of continents. To put the power of a small earthquake in perspective:  the first atomic bomb was 10,000 times weaker than a mild earthquake. A new study by the American Geological Association shows that the most recent earthquake […]

    Google Glass, The Gay’s New Way To Voyageur You In Secret

    by Dan Nordgren - View all comments

    Secretly Warm Bedroom Eyes:  Gays now have a Google GlASS technology that can allow them to secretly ogle and  take video footage of you relieving in the porcelain and then uploading the video to Grindr and other scary sites, so they can all get their jollies. New York, New York – Three years ago, I was the victim of a gay eye attack.  I was at the mall’s food court with several friends, when suddenly I needed to relieve myself in […]

    Mick Jagger Turns 70, Refuses To Retire

    by Ashleigh Zettesberg - View all comments

    For most 70-year-old men, dancing about and creating a scene in Echo Park in the evening would be grounds for worry. Perhaps grandpa was being mugged, or maybe he choked on a turkey sandich on rye and EMS had to be called out. Then you have 70-year-old men like Mick Jagger who refuse to stop rocking out. Jagger and his Rolling Stones gave a concert in Echo Park last night, sounding no worse for wear considering their long storied career. […]

    The Founding Fathers As Pinup Girls

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    As the Fourth of July approaches, some saucy artist has decided to imagine our founding fathers as pinup girls. I wish I could say I was joking, but Benjamin Franklin is protruding his back and arching his back, like an old-school Raquel Welch making you nervous in the knickerbockers. He can also apparently put his toes on point, just like a skilled ballerina.   Source: publius-esquire.tumblr.com Next, James Madison chooses to get flirty with the cute college girl in the […]

    Facebook Notification Sound Brainwashes You With Music

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Do you find yourself unable to go through a day without at least checking your Facebook once, just to see if you have a notification highlighted by a red field around white lettering? Your tendency to be controlled by Facebook and instinctively type its url into your browser window may be more than self-indulgence and need for social communication. The site has cleverly used music to improve its notification system, making your brain ‘perk up’ at the intonations the sound-based […]

    Obamacare Starts 2014, New Insurance Shopping Options October 2013

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    Obamacare starts in the year 2014. On January 1st, 2014, every American is not only entitled to healthcare insurance options, but will be required to carry some sort of health insurance. The changes in state-wide medical plans does not truly show the drastic changes the nation will face, nationwide. If you are a person who will benefit from Obamcare, the January 1st, 2014 day will be grand. Every person surely deserves some sort of health access and not to suffer, […]

    Hands-Free Whopper Holder, Humanity Reaches new Low

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Burger King in Puerto Rico announced a Hands Free Whopper Holder. The nominal device is in ‘media darling’ phase and will soon be tested in locations all around the world. When you see the device and think of the increasing belly girth of all Americans, this is almost a sad point of humanity’s history: this is where it all really started going wrong. It truly is bad enough that we are too lazy to at least eat fresh ground beef […]

    Toilet Water Coffee: Starbucks in Hong Kong

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Starbucks aficionados in Hong Kong are not the happiest to learn of the ‘toilet water’ option on their X3 double whipped mochas. Being served on the high-end, pricy city-state of Hong Kong, toilet water coffee could soon come to a Starbucks kettle near you. According to a recent article by local newspaper Apple Daily, a Starbucks at the heart and center of Hong Kong used toilet water to brew its coffee. While interviews of patrons who frequent this location are […]

    Man Arrested After “Fraggeling” His Pet Peacock From Behind

    by Amber Vos Savant - View all comments

    WHEATON, Ill. (STMW) — A Roselle, Illinois man has been accused of doing the fraggle rock to his pet peacock. Authorities in the city responded to concerns involving other crimes neighbors levied upon the man. During an investigation, the man openly confessed he has fraggled his pet peacock and even worse, the body of evidence was sprawled out in his garage. According to CBS, the peacock’s name was Phyl. The man was released on bail and purportedly has psychiatric evaluation […]

    Andy Biersack Donates 100s Gallons of Blood

    by Abe - View all comments

    Andy Biersack has once again proved his dark powers and mystically donated over 100 gallons of blood to the Red Cross. The shocking news story is burgeoning all around the web and has many of us good people terrified: how is Andy Biersack able to create so much blood? Andy Biersack must be the direct descendant of Vlad Tepes, the Count Dracular of ancient lore. I warned everyone of this fact long ago. When reading old tales of Dracula’s power […]

    Is Larry King A Secret Communist?

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    We have to sadly keep the watchful eye of Joseph McCarthy on media legend Larry King. Recent evidence from our team of crack cultural protectors suggest that Larry King is working for a tv channel that was funded by none other than the Kremlin. While it is no shock to learn that Democrats are communist by their very philosophy, it is an entirely new low to think that an American would dare work for a government that tried to sneak […]

    Beaver Kills Fisherman In Belarus, In One Bite

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Belarus – The trials of nature take us to Belarus, where a wild beaver brutally savaged a fisherman and killed him in one bite. This tragic story began when a fisherman tried to take a scenic photograph of a beaver in his proxy. The fisherman grabbed his camera, trying to secret his approach with softened, gentle footsteps. His friends describe what happened next a: “blinding flash of brutal, shocking savagery”. With sudden, blinding speed, the seemingly docile beaver sprang to […]

    A Look At Chinese McDonalds

    by ChristianCrusader - View all comments

    Chinese McDonalds is also known as Fry Paradise. It is possible to go to China and literally order tables full of McDonald’s French Fries for you and your friends. It is actually good that we do not have this option in America, because it would turn the nation into even more of a pig’s trough.

    Fresh Prince Reunion Of Will Smith, DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Carlton

    by Charles Atchison - View all comments

    Will Smith and his permafrown child Jayden Smith made an appearance on the Graham Norton show, the British equivalent of vanilla Oprah sprinkled with Ed Sullivan, shown late night, from what we can surmise. Whatever the case may be, Will Smith loves the show so much that he brought a special treat for the audience. The interview starts out slow, with Jayden Smith trying his skills at his father’s nice guy rapping. This is the same sort of rapping that […]

    Pervert Jimmy Kimmel Buys Nude Bea Arthur Picture for $1.9 Million

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    If any of you mangy fingered internet users are looking around for a nudge Bea Arthur picture, you will not find it here. So just forget about it! We can tell you where you will find it though: hanging in a wall, right next to Jimmy Kimmel’s bed in his posh New York apartment. The late night funny man who talks like an excited gymnast who just won gold and is breathlessly trying to tell her life story to the […]