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    Dolphin Bites 8-Year-Old At SeaWorld

    by Abe - View all comments

    Orlando, FLA - A precious 8-year-0ld child is recovering from a brutal dolphin attack in Florida.  Eye witnesses to the brutality say an innocent child was but taking in the wonders of nature at seaworld, when suddenly from the depths of the sea emerged a vicious beast, intent on biting the young child in the hand. The child, Jillian Thomas, was holding a fish and was simply trying to provide food to the sea beast.  The dolphin is old and knows […]

    Jesus Christ to Appear On The Walking Dead Season Finale

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Hollywood, CA – In yet another shocking move to offend Christians, AMC is speculated to have a ‘guest’ appearance by Jesus Christ in the mid-season finale of the Walking Dead. There is a new cultural phenomenon where atheists believe it is funny to call Jesus a ‘zombie’ as a means to offend Christians.  AMC is apparently taking hold to this cultural meme by making promos showing Christ will show up and help guide Sherriff Rick in what is being called […]

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    Fat Kids are Inactive

    by Eunice - View all comments

    ( Berlin, NH) A controversial report from the Institute of Moral Consumerism has brazenly stated that obese children living in the industrialized world are in fact lazy, inactive and unmotivated. Furthermore, the obese in general are self actualizing their own morbidity by opting for bacon cheeseburgers and fries instead of exercise and fruit servings.Experts believe the obesity problem plaguing young Americans can be placed on regionally enforced morays rather than genetics. These wide held beliefs rally the over sized population […]

    Kansas City Chiefs Player Shoots Himself, Girlfriend in Shocking Suicide Homicide Investigation at Arrowhead Stadium

    by Joe P. Reagan - View all comments

    The 2012 – 2013 football season has officially become the worst for the Kansas City Chiefs. Marred by a season of losses, not being able to score and being the general whipping boy of the NFL is no longer the worst of the Chiefs’ worry. New reports indicate that a player on the Kansas City Chiefs has shot his girlfriend at a private residence and killed himself at Arrowhead Stadium in the Kansas City area. Police responded to a call […]

    Michael Jordan Banned From Golf Course for Being Black

    by Bishop T.J. - View all comments

    Racial tensions continue to surge across America after the 2012 presidential election. Blatantly racist remarks and ads by the Democratic party against Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan has left a sour taste for many of the nation’s crucial white establishment and their coloured, well-off friends, the very type of people who brokered the Civil Right era and the remarkable success America has enjoyed since that time. Now, again in the throes of temaultuous racial tensions, we are seeing Jim Crow […]

    Furries, Bronies, Porn and Ponies: Signs of a Culture in Decline

    by Eunice - View all comments

      By Eunice W. Trends in social media reveal increased deviant behavior towards animals, cartoons and fantasy creatures. This maladjusted epidemic has infected the bloodstream of our American nervous system, it is unsightly and it aches the heart!  Tumblr is a magnet of voracious hedonism, Twitter and Facebook equally self indulgent. 76% of adults are influenced by social media; the numbers are mind bending. Clearly the breakdown of civilized society is a result of sex themed forums and blogs devoted […]

    Top Ten Worst Christmas Toys : Let Christ be your Shopping Assistant!

    by Eunice - View all comments

      Here at The Institute for Moral Consumerism, we’ve spent countless hours researching the latest hot toys to hit the market, just in time for the holidays. The ladies at church ask, ” Eunice, why would you spend eight weeks locked in a cellar with 3,000 inappropriate  toys?” Why, you ask? I’ll give you six hundred and sixty six reasons why, if you really want the God forsaken truth. What happened to good old fashioned Christmas, like  we had as […]

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    There is a God: Psy Gangnam Style Dethrones Justin Bieber As Most Viewed YouTube Video with nearly 1 Billion Views

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

      Several months ago, some colleagues threw a party that was all but too common:  mediocre drinks, casual chat and exchanged phone numbers.  But the D.J. from the party promised he was getting ready to play something ‘that we had to hear, because it’s the new thing’.  I was skeptical, expecting Berry Gordy’s cousin to start calling our cell phones with M.J. Fox riffs, but much to my surprise, I heard something a lot more random:  Gangnam Style. The song […]

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    Why Are Men More Successful Than Women?

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    For years, feminists and their ilk have tried to convince society that women and men are equal in the work place. A cursory look at any household, from the regal echelons of the Upper East Side to the paltry porches of Snellville, Georgia, will play out a ballad that’s quite different. Simply sung, the song tells a story that will ring true in your heart: you know deep down and beyond all the political correctness, men are more successful than […]

    Mexico Tries to Change Name to Canada

    by Dan Nordgren - View all comments

    Mexican President Felip Calderon has launched a new initiative that would coerce the United States to open its border to the country currently known as Mexico. Under Calderon’s bold new plan, Mexico’s official name would be switched from The United States of Mexico to simply ‘Canada’. Calderon argues that over time, the fact that over 70% of Americans view Mexico as dangerous, unsafe and unsavory would drastically decrease. He further anticipates that since US law doesn’t specify which ‘Canada’ it […]

    Egyptian President Morsi Claims Sweeping New Powers, Declares Himself New Pharoah

    by Scott Grunhard - View all comments

    Egyptian President Morsi has just declared himself a New Pharoah, boasting sweeping new powers that include glowing eyes, invincibility and ability to make others bend to his will with just a shake of her serpent staff. Such powers are terrifying and immoral, yet somehow after nearly 2,000 years the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood has unlocked the same abilities that King Pharoah from the Bible used to subdue and torment the children of Israel. In the days of the old pharoahs, God […]

    Obama Caught Reverse Goo-Dogging A Twinkie, In Public

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    Now that Obama has secured himself another term in office, he’s drunk with power and flagrantly lifting his legs to teabag morality right in the face.  He has no fear or shame to his game now.  He’s out there right now, fighting to do all sorts of horrible things to our society:  ensure gays have the right to marry in our churches, giving free healthcare to the poor and elderly and even refusing to attack Iran as their Hamas guilt-by-association brethren continue […]

    Is My Husband Using Craigslist To Have Gay Sex?

    by Mark E. Figs - View all comments

    By Mark E. Figs God has driven a holy spike into the heart of the gay homosexuality community. Known for being a depraved group of sex addicts, they were struck with the news that the “Hostess” who enable them to hook up with “Ho-Hos” and “Twinkies” was being shut down! Next on the Lord’s holy agenda is shutting down Craigslist entirely! Before I continue, you may be saying — “Brother Mark, I am a Bible-believing Christ-loving Christian. What do these slang terms […]

    Texas Secession Petition Passes 100,000 Signatures

    by Thad Connely - View all comments

    100,000 Texans have now signed onto a petition on WhiteHouse.gov in which they express their support in seceding from the Union. While the act of secession is patently illegal for 49 U.S. states, in Texas the state reserves the right to secede from the Union with a popular vote that’s supported by the current governor. While Texas Governor Rick Perry maintains he supports the United States, Texas’ statehood and Obama’s reelection to the presidency, residents in Texas continue to fan […]

    Artist Jason Mecier Makes 25 Pound Honey Boo Boo Sculpture from Trash

    by Katie Dahm - View all comments

    As if America’s once proud economy and culture were not already low enough, now are great artists are making 25 pound sculptures of Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo is a show that follows the Theory of Hillbilly, as brilliantly put forward on Slate.com. The theory forwards the idea that during a time of social unrest and economic instability, Americans will turn to ‘hillbilly culture’ to feel better about their lives and the world around them. The soda Mountain Dew […]