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    Michelle Bachmann Emerging As Nobel Prize for Physics Frontrunner for Pray The Gay Away Metaphysics

    by Abe - View all comments

    Michelle Bachmann is emerging as the leading candidate for the 2015 Nobel Prize for Physics. Bachmann has impressed numerous members of academia after announcing a metaphysical approach to relieve homosexuality in affected males. In 2011, Bachmann and her husband posited the theory that one could “Pray The Gay Away”, inviting a new concept that allowed researchers to fervently pray for gays and then see if after the prayers, the test subjects stopped having gay desires. Since the time of that revolutionary […]

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    Hand of God Swats Away Hamas Rocket, Shows Clear Favoritism For Israel

    by Abe - View all comments

      God has finally taken a side in the Israel v Hamas terrorists war.  Despite the fact that the Obama administration is trying to paint Israel as the bad gay, the image above shows the Hand of God directly interceding in battle. Shocked troops on booth sides of the conflict called to their superiors to report the supernatural event.  “Their God changes paths of rockets in mid-air,” reported one terrorist rocket firer as he fled, screaming in fear. In the […]

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    Is A Christian Invasion of Israel/Palestine The Road to Peace in the Middle East?

    by Abe - View all comments

      Map displays proposed layout for a new Holy Land.  In the center, a giant green cross shines with peace and bountiful life.  This land form shall be called Jesusland, the heart of the Holy Land.  Look at how JesusLand separates Israel and Palestine from fighting.  If either side gets too testy, there are two large regions where America’s army lays awaiting to bomb Palestine to the stone age should they get out of hand, or invite Israel over for […]

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    New Miracle Pill Promises To Make Gays Less Sassy and Sarcastic

    by Abe - View all comments

    For those of you having to deal with a classically sarcastic, ironic gay man in your life, there is good news for you.  The FDA recently approved a miracle pill that can alter a gay person’s brain to be less sarcastic and snappy, so that you can have a conversation without their witty interludes and dry-humor. Our office gay, “Lance”, is especially intolerable on Monday mornings.  Hungover and excessively caffeinated, he is always just so cranky and snappy.  Last week, […]

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    Colorado Man Catches Ebola From Smoking Marijuana

    by Abe - View all comments

    Denver, Colorado – Health officials in Colorado are racing against the clock to contain the state’s for instance of Ebola virus contamination. A young man, whose name is being withheld, was admitted to a Colorado hospital with a high fever and gastrointestinal pain.   Doctors immediately isolated the young man and officials arrived only hours later to interrogate the patient zero. The patient revealed that he had not recently been to Colorado, but that he was indeed a marijuana farmer and owns […]

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    Is Gay Marriage To Blame for the Ebola Virus Outbreak?

    by Abe - View all comments

    If you look at the first symptoms of Ebola,  they include sudden onset of fever, weakness, muscle pain, headaches and a sore throat, it sounds like how you feel after a saucy night with a husky, well-endowed bear. Now I find that to be no coincidence that the symptoms of Ebola infestation and a night of raw loving between two men come up with the same symptoms. This is one of those gut fact instincts and I am sure millions of […]

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    Obama is Infecting Christians with Ebola To Destroy Jesus and Start A New Age of Liberal Darkness

    by Abe - View all comments

    Barack Obama stares at the new EBOLA-virus, created to infect the DNA of Christians and to destroy Jesus, so that a New Age of Liberal Darkness can rise in America. Barack Obama has used genetics to manufacture the most powerful virus in the history of mankind.  The virus is an evolved form of EBOLA, a deadly virus that causes the body to bleed to death in a week. According to sources, there is an antidote for the virus.  The cure […]

    Jealous Gay Agenda Rears Its Head in Greece, Adorn Statue in Pink Boa and Thong

    by Abe - View all comments

    Jealous of all the attention Palestinians and Ebola-infected people are getting in media, the gays are committing random acts of larceny worldwide to bring more attention to themselves. The most recent example of the gays acting up comes from Greece, where shocked nationals are in emotional bewilderment with their national monuments being forced into such provocative clothing. To the right, we can see some Roman gays have adorned a holy carved statue into some fetish clothing.  Instead of being a […]

    Nintendo Reveals Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire After Pagan Ceremony Summoning of The Games

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Dear Comrades, It has taken along time for this to happen, but just like the devil waits in the shadows, The Pokemon company has waited up until now to spring on this “new” pair of games called Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire upon our children. We have had enough of the Dark messages in the last pokemon games, such as prostitution and soliciting outside of shady shacks in the bayou. But, the truly frightening fact is how the games […]

    Cops Strap Black Woman To Chair, Cut Off Her Hair

    by Tiernan Kincaid - View all comments

    Detroit, Michigan (TopNews) – Obama’s police state is showing its flagrant disregard for freedom yet again.  A woman in Michigan, identified as Charda Gregory, only 22-years-of-age, was accused of trashing a hotel room.  Instead of being cited, booked and having her day in court, the young American woman was allegedly pepper sprayed in mail, slammed into a wall and strapped down to a chair. Apparently thinking that this is ‘proper punishment’ for the young African-American woman, Michigan police then started […]

    Official Christian Response to the Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson Debacle

    by Jack Gould - View all comments

    Bold. Sassy. Flocking. Cute. Feathery and loud. These are all words that describe ducks, and when you think of a group of gay people having a good time, gaggling and sashaying about with plumed feather hats and molehair suits, wildly eating healthy grain products as they excitedly plan a vacation to South Florida for the winter,  you may find these words describe gay people too. Phil Robertson, the patriarch of duck hunting, knows a thing or two about ducks.  And […]

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    Common Core: National Sexuality Education Standards K-12 is Pornography

    by Rev. Billy Ray - View all comments

    By Rev. Billy Ray Sunday <chrisTwire> As a 34 year-old parent of two I consider myself an open-minded and fair conservative. Having younger children in the public school system in Washington State where Common Core (CC) has been adopted seemed like a good idea at first but after digging deeper into CC curriculum I have changed my mind. The goal of CC is to create universal educational standards which historically have been left up to local school boards and educators. […]

    Russian President Vladimir Putin Beats Living Crap Out of Great White Shark, Dares Barack Obama to ‘Bring it On’

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Moscow, Russia (ChristWire) – The Kremlin released a photograph of Vladimir Putin today, moments after he dove into an ocean and “beat the ever loving sh#$ out of a great white shark”, according to bystander Sergei Glasnost.    Insiders say that Putin was steaming upset that Obama did not have the spine to bomb Syria and go to war with Russia. “The man is giant American pussy,” Russian media quotes Vladimir Putin saying of Barack Obama.  “He is weak and […]

    What If Nicholas Cage Did Wrecking Ball?

    by Abe - View all comments

    The most disturbing thing about Miley Cyrus’ new Wrecking Ball video occurs when you realize that with her haircut, Miley Cyrus resembles Justin Bieber from a distance. And then you realize, Justin Bieber could probably pass for a semi-attractive woman you would flesh-shank in a moment of lust. Now with that disturbing image in your head, enjoy Nicholas Cage in Wrecking Ball:

    Former Nigerian Scam Artist Prince Hakeem Amkala Now A Scientist, Only Needs Your Account Number to Cure Gay Marriage

    by Abe - View all comments

    Former Nigerian scam artist Prince Hakeem has taken on a new profession and is offering to cure ‘gay marriage’ if enough people give him their bank account numbers so he may transfer $1,000 to your account to do the final experiments in America where he can get his patent. I09 broke news of the miraculous scientific development. His mathematics of gay marriage is particularly illuminating. In an interview with This Day Live he says: In mathematics which is another core area of science, I used what […]