• Fresh From Around the World
    Recent News Reports

    Queen Elizabeth Delivers World War III Speech, Declares War on “Irreverant, Infant Nations, Especially America”

    by Scott Grunhard - View all comments

    London, England – In a shocking display of long-forgotten regal fury, the Queen of England perched herself upon her throne and declared war upon the entire world.  Calling it her “World War III” speech, the Queen of England has vowed to restore the British Empire to its former glory and to fully punish the United States for being a ‘whiny little brat in the food court, dirty chocolate-filled fingers clamoring with greed for more, more, more!’ Before getting into the […]

    Dog Eats Paralyzed Man’s Testicle, Covert Lesbian Dog-Trainers To Blame?

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Trumann, Arkansas – A terrifying, impromptu savaging carried out by a dog is being hailed as a victory by a rag-tag troupe of lesbians in Arkansas. Poinsett County reports a Trumann man woke up early Monday morning to find his new Bichon pet dog was eating one of his testicles.  The man was paralyzed from the waist down and confirmed to police he was sleeping when the incident took place. According to reports, around 7:45 on Monday the man awoke […]

    Is the HyperLoop an attack on the Christian Family?

    by Ice Van Winkle - View all comments

    A white Christian man cannot read the newspaper these days without running into an article dripping with excitement over Elon Musk. So I decided it was my duty to find out who this man is and what does he want to do to America. First the facts: Elon Musk is an illegal immigrant from Australia who has received generous welfare payments IN THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS from that Kenyan in the White House. Secondly, he hates cars and the American […]

    Science Killed Evolution

    by Ed Kryslak - View all comments

    Hello Liberal Atheist Rubbáge, I have become well aware of your pathetic Satan inspired theory of EVOLUTION and your worship of SCIENCE. I shall make my statement short but sweet, if you believe in your OHHH so erroneous Evolution, and worship it so fully, and Know that, that is how life should progress, WHY would you allow the rampant use of SCIENCE and SOCIAL PROGRAMS to nip it in  it’s bud? Isn’t medicine allowing gene traits that would otherwise die […]

    Zimmerman SUV Rescue Staged Boy Fox NewsCorp, Tried to Spin-off Zimmer Man Tv Series

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Fox News and NewsCorp are embroiled in a new scandal after claiming today that George Zimmerman rescued a family from an SUV.  Rachel Maddow came out blistering mad, claiming Fox News tells lies.  Allegations surfaced that Fox News and its parents company, NewsCorp, are trying to flush out the ‘Action Night’ timeslots by creating a new gritty hero adventure entitled ZimmerMan:  Stand Your Ground. The series is to star a young, gritty actor, worn down by a national witchhunt following […]

    George Zimmerman Saves Black Family From Overturned SUV, Performs First Miracle Proving His Holy Innocence

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    A Florida family’s SUV overturned on a rural highway yesterday. As the stunned family lay trapped and motionless in the vehicle, a man identifying himself as one George Zimmerman emerged to save them. This is the same George Zimmerman who only days ago, the left-wing liberal media labeled a cold-blooded opportunist with no redeeming qualities. Authorities have now revealed such is not the case, as Zimmerman set aside his growing international celebrity and embraced humility as he stepped out of […]

    Geraldo Rivera Tweets Topless Selfie In Desperate Attempt to Reverse Sagging Ratings

    by Scott Grunhard - View all comments

    70-year-old Geraldo Rivera is the latest celebrity to strip bare on Twitter to garner more viewers, but the shortsighted media team at Fox News Corp. failed to realize that the public would be generally disgusted and belly-churned by the following image. WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING-IMAGE MEDIA CONTAINS A 70-YEAR-OLD MAN WRAPPED IN A SPA TOWEL, TRYING TO TO HINT AT HIS METAMUCIL-TONED LANDING STRIP REGION IN PROVOCATIVE PARIS HILTON-ESQUE FASHION.  PRAY AND DEMAND WOMEN AND CHILDREN LEAVE THE ROOM BEFORE VIEWING. […]

    Questlove Uses Voodoo Magic To Infect Innocent White Grandmother With Amazing Urban Drumplaying Skills

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Questlove is using some sort of strange powers to trick innocent suburban grandmothers into being little beatmasters.  I believe this is the same power that the Sugarhill Gang used to make innocent grandmothers rap “The Rapper’s Delight” in the 90s and also how Betty White (The Golden Girl) has achieved her wild urban popularity these days.  Somehow, she went from sweet and confused to hip and street-smart. Questlove, the lead rhythm and bassed drummer for the Roots, tricked us all […]

    Satan Teaches Cat How To Twerk Its Sinhole, Evidence

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    I am utterly disgusted right now. As my friends and sources scoured the internet for immoral things to warn you about today, a video appeared in where a white-shorts mamacita is shaking her moneymaker to get more Facebook likes. But it is what happens four seconds into the video that is beyond absolute shock! Look at how the cat presents itself in the classic Poopy-Squat pose, a prone position that makes gay men stamp their hindquarters in heat and mew […]

    How Will Detroit’s Bankruptcy Filing Affect Other Third World Countries?

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    Detroit has recently filed for Bankruptcy. This came as no big shock to anyone who has ever watched the television show called “Hardcore Pawn” though. In that show, which is set in a pawn shop in the heart of Detroit, the only people we ever see with nice stuff and money to spend on nice stuff are White people, while the blacks are all lining up to yell at the poor Jewish family that runs the store. We see these […]

    Obama Gives George Zimmerman Prism Racism Speech, “Trayvon Could Have Been Me” and “If Teen Had Been White, Outcome and Aftermath Would Have Been Different”, Fox News Analysts Have Collective Seizure

    by Ethel Winslow - View all comments

    President calls for ‘soul-searching’ and ‘national conversation’ — but warns politicians to butt out… ‘TRAYVON COULD HAVE BEEN ME’… Recalls suffering racial profiling… Could Trayvon have ‘stood his ground on that sidewalk?’ If teen had been white, ‘outcome and the aftermath might have been different’… Is George Zimmerman’s goose cooked? Today, President Barack Obama marched up to a podium with a teleprompter and made a case against institutional racism, explaing the problem many African-Americans are having with the trial of […]

    The Big Bang Theory, The Ultimate Atheist Recruiting Tool Reviewed

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    The Big Bang Theory is the most cleverly calculated atheist recruiting tool of the 21st century. Featuring four zany scientists and their tantalizing neighbor with buxom cleavage, the show bridges the gulf between lust for knowledge and carnality under the veil of 90s nostalgia music, geeky trivia and pop culture humor.  The show is the brainchild of internet website, Reddit.com, the Mecca of Geekdom and over 90% of the world’s registered atheist population. The name of the show is actually […]

    George Zimmerman Family Prayed Harder Than Martin Family, That is Why They Won Trial

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    In the aftermath of the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin trial, many people of certain communities have become upset due to the verdict.   These people are surely emotionally charged and hurt, going as far to demand Barack Obama himself order Eric Holder and the Department of Justice to bring civil charges against George Zimmerman. But what everyone needs to realize is one thing:  none of the charges will stick, because George Zimmerman’s family has clearly won the ‘prayer’ battle that goes into an […]

    Queen of England Legalizes Gay Marriage, Raises Questions of Bea Arthur Syndrome

    by Abe - View all comments

    When one thinks of women like the late Bea Arthur and the Queen of England, words like handsomely dressed and strong of chin come to mind.  Both of these people had strong, sturdy characteristics about them, sort of like the old man who used to vigorously rub Old Spice on his freshly shaved gullet before taking a deep breath of fresh pine mountain air. So today’s announcement that the Queen of England gives her Royal Stamp of Approval for gay marriage […]

    Stevie Wonder Boycotts Zimmerman Friendly Florida, The New Armpit of America

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    Much like Ray Charles once deprived Georgia of his soulful music due to their idiocy, Stevie Wonder today announced that he will be boycotting Florida because he cannot trust a state where the Stand Your Ground law is in effect.   George Zimmerman shooting of Trayvon Martin and walking the streets a free man is a causal factor in Wonder’s decision. The singer made it clear that in addition to Florida, any other state with Stand Your Ground laws will also suffer his […]