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    Dennis Rodman Wants Noble Peace Prize

    by Thad Connely - View all comments

    Somewhere in America – Dennis Rodman believes he should be a candidate for the Noble Peace Prize. After his work in North Korea with Kim Jong Un, Rodman states that his role for humanity is simple: breaking the ice between hostile countries. Rodman wants to be enlisted more in matters of international diplomacy. Specifically, Rodman says this on the subject: “My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, […]

    Military Coup in Cairo, Muslim Bros Channel Shut Down

    by Thad Connely - View all comments

    Several billion dollars of US aide later, the people of Egypt have once again thrown over a government they did not like.  Today the Islamic regime of President Morsi was overthrown in a military coup.  Claims that Morsi’s ties with the Muslim Brotherhood and Islamic-centric laws were given as causal factors to his ouster. While Egypt remains a predominantly Muslim nation, the people there seem to want a government that’s more inclusive of various culture and tradition.  The region is […]

    Is Barack Obama A Peeping Tom?

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    Back in 2008, I excitedly stood with my friends as we waited for election results:  McCain vs. Obama was the reality and I had just finished an extensive grassroots campaigning session with my roomies.  We were excited to be at Obama’s potential inauguration party and when the results were in, we celebrated like none other. Fast-foward to 2013 and I can truly say that I feel like I just caught Obama peeping through my window, lapping his tongue and getting […]

    Angry Americans Protest Eric Snowden, Scumbag Obama Via Reddit, Cafe iPhones

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    America has joined with the likes of Brazil and Egypt to express anger over eHero Eric Snowden, who leaked documents revealing that Obama and the NSA have spied on American’s phone calls. While many in the government are throwing around the words traitor and Judas when referring to Snowden, the world at large and many everyday Americans are hailing him a hero. Today the story of Eric Snowden affected Bolivia, as a plane carrying the country’s president was forbidden to […]

    What Happens When A Dad Finds A Peeping Tom Peeping His Daughter?

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Florida father beats man for peeping his fifteen-year-old daughter. Jacksonville, Florida – A Jacksonville father finally caught a peeping tom who had been getting eye-jollies off his fifteen-year-old daughter. The backstory here started when the Jacksonville family spotted someone peaking through their home window on several occasions.  One of the times, they found damage to their screen windows and were on guarded alert. Then on Sunday, the silhouetted figure got an identity:  James Lowery. According to police reports, Lowery allegedly […]

    19 Firefighters Killed in Tragic Arizona Wildfire

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Great tragedy in Arizona as 19 firefighters killed while heroically saving a town of 700.  The wildfires started after the dry American Southwest experienced a week of unprecedented high temperatures.    The elite crew of firefighters were specially trained to take on the most fierce wildfires and lost their lives as they tried to shield themselves from flames, under fire-resistant shields. The fire started when lightning struck down, igniting a blaze that quickly spread over 2,000 acres in the triple digit […]

    Florida Atheists Taunt Christians with Monument to The Flying Spaghetti Monster

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Florida atheists perform requisite updating of their Facebook ritual as they take pictures of each other in front of the new Flying Spaghetti Monster Memorial of America, where they will make pilgrimages to every year to celebrate and worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In the above images, the ‘noodled appendages’ of the Flying Spaghetti Monster form a protective, futuristic space cocoon around the letter A, denoting the atheist belief that a non-god protects all their rights, life and freedom.  This […]

    Biersacking, the Newest Trend That Will Get Your Daughter Pregnant

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Andy Sixx stands erect as frenzied by the throbbing sounds of Jinxx’s guitar crescendo and wafting marijuana throw the airs of Colorado, a pack of wild college co-eds clamor for their chance to have a public “Biersacking” on stage with the modern day Ron Jeremy in Corinthian leathers, Andy Biersack. As I investigated things to warn you about today, I was not shocked to find my old sparring buddy Andy Biersack is still inventing new ways to make female fans […]

    College Technology: Flaskpons

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    You have to see it to believe it, so here you go: Now available at fine retailers near you, comes booze tubes full encased in the all-too-familiar tampon brand packaging.  While there may be some McDowell’s vs. McDonald’s style, courtesy of Coming to America styled corporate brand discrepancy shenanigans, I have to imagine that the amount of students sneaking off to use the loo in the coming schoolyear will greatly increase. It is worth saying, parents, sneak into your daughter’s […]

    Spicy Gay Marriage Couples Causing Heat Waves in Vegas, California

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Only two days after the Supreme Court overturned DOMA and greenlit gay marriage in every state that will legalize it, the temperatures in California and Nevada have sizzled. The burning passions and celebrations of gay couples have been so furious, that it is actually causing a global warming effect.  For years I fought against the thought of global warming, but now we see that there is a direct correlation between the number of frenzied gay marriage couples and the quick […]

    Top Ten Most Evil Poke Balls

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Pokémon is a dangerous game released by Blizzard, the same company responsible for titles like Skyrim and World of Witchcraft.  Pokémon is basically a spinoff of Spore, a game where the player is taught that creatures ‘evolve’ from bacteria in the ocean to space-faring races who can recreate life on a whim. For parents worried that their young ones may become involved in Pokémon, here are the most dangerous Poke Balls you may hear your child talking about.  As the […]

    Glow In The Dark Lamborghini Impounded By London Police

    by Charles Atchison - View all comments

    If you are the 24-year-old son of Qatar’s ruling family, rich from oil-wealth, a $500,000 glow in the dark Lamborghini is within the realm of ‘reasonable to own’. Unfortunately for the Qatar royal, British police are not very fond of fast, glow-in-the dark Lamborghinis spooking the streets of London.

    Proof That Science is Sorcery

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Science is sorcery.  If you do not agree with that, then I welcome you to read Genesis 1:1 and answer the question where the Bible says “In the beginning, Scientists created heaven and the Earth.”  You will find that it does not, because there is only one Master Scientist, and his name is not richard dawkins. But I digress.  This video easily proves that science is sorcery.

    Irrefutable Proof of Global Warming

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    Let’s face it: the Earth is getting warmer. Global warming is a reality. We better figure something out before the day after tomorrow. If the trend in underwear fashion isn’t proof enough, perhaps just our general sense of common sense should be. Winters around the country have become more sporadic, and the deep freeze winters from childhood are truly just a distant memory. Winter used to mean frost-bitten faces and a hawky gale so cold from the North, that Mike […]

    Barack Obama Vows to Remove Cursive Handwriting As Requirement in School, So Future Generations Cannot Read Constitution

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Barack Obama has a secret, new agenda that is aimed directly at the freedom of your children. Hidden deep within the Affordable Care Act that not one Congressional leader has read from start to finish, Obama and his minions in the Senate hid legislation that allows schools to remove teaching the cursive handwriting to students. Without knowledge of how to read cursive, these students have no ability to read historical documents, sign legal documents or bank notes, or even become […]