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    George Zimmer Fired, Outrage!

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    You are going to like the way you look. I guarantee it. In my voice, that phrase means nothing, but you take the grizzled voice of George Zimmer, and those lines become an iconic part of America’s fashion history. Men’s Warehouse founder and chairman, George Zimmer, was given the boot today. While an official reason is still not released, many believe George Zimmer did not agree with the company’s board of directors. And what do you do to a company’s […]

    Man of Steel Review From Critic Who Doesn’t Have Head Up His A$$

    by Dan Nordgren - View all comments

    “Reason #1 to see Man of Steel: Kryptonians Ride Dragons.” -’Chubbs’ Spencer. The Man of Steel sores over the weekend with nearly $200 million global box office, yet there are critics who whine and complain about one of the greatest retellings of the Original Superhero. If you are a fan of action, excitement and a good summer movie, stop reading this review of Man of Steel right now and head to your local theater.  If you are lucky enough to […]

    Watermelon Oreos And The Temptations of a Black Man

    by Right Reverend Darryl Brown - View all comments

    I woke up this morning with a Facebook friend linking me the image above:  “You are gonna’ love these watermelon oreos, Daryl!” Well, I will say this:  I love me some watermelon, and if loving watermelon is wrong, I do not want to be right!  It is juicy, good and delicious.  But when you pair the goodness of watermelon with sweet vanilla skin of a Oreo Cookie, how could I resist?  Right? Wrong. I think this is just simply preposterous.  […]

    Scooby Doo, The First Atheist Brainwashing Cartoon Reviewed

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    Scooby Dooby Doo is an atheist propaganda cartoon that reached its zenith during the turbulent, drug-fueled 1960s. The show featured a talking dog, a marijuana addicted hippie and three ‘free love’ college students who frequently engaged in off-screen coitus, without the bounds of marriage. On the surface, the show purported to be a simple, fun buddy adventure archetype where four friends and their Great Dane dog engaged in riveting investigations. Parents felt comfortable letting their children watch a repurposed Sherlock […]

    Mermaid Hoax, Disproves Evolution or Elaborate Cover-up?

    by Amber Vos Savant - View all comments

    A mermaid hoax talking point has been created by media opportunists, trying to debunk and disenfranchise viewers from Animal Planet’s hit series, Mermaids: The Body Found. Since the launch of the series last year, numerous stories –worldwide — have surfaced that seem to prove the validity of an aquatic species of humanoid life forms occupying the planet. In contast, numerous experts have come forward, seemingly determined to disavow any story suggesting that mermaids exist and can be real. Most recently, […]

    God Smites Satanic Musicians As A Warning To Satanic Atheists Everywhere: “REPENT NOW!!!”

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    In the past few weeks, multiple deaths of “musicians” from the 80s have been reported. While there are many rumors surrounding these deaths (spider bites, liver failure, drugs use, auto-erotic asphyxiation, etc…), the facts are quite apparent: God is smiting these heathens for promoting Satan and Atheism, drugs using, sex before marriage, allowing blacks, illegal Mexicans, women and gays to vote, drive and get married, and many other abuses of His perfect Christian Nation of America. America is at a […]

    Antoine Dodson Says “I’m No Longer Into Homsexuality I Want A Wife”

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Lincoln Park, Alabama – Antoine Dodson chose to uncome out of the closet today. In a shocking statement on his Facebook page, Dodson reveals that he is cured of gay and he wants to find a wife. Yes Antoine Dodson, who achieved internet fame via a news blooper that went viral after a musical remix, says he’s no longer gay. Says Dodson in a post on Facebook: I have to renounce myself, I’m no longer into homosexuality I want a […]

    Marijuana Fungus in Capri Sun Respawns Man’s Lungs?

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    The next dangerous evolution of marijuana is upon us. Kush doctors, also referred to as ‘ents’ (ear, nose and throat), have confirmed their latest experiments to grow marijuana in the human lungs as a success. By scraping the trichome fungus of marijuana into aluminum wrapped pouches of Capri Sun, Ents developed a ‘cultivating station’ where marijuana fungus could thrive, hidden to all authorities. Once the curing process (the scrog) is complete, the ents state that their subject ‘chortled’ the packet […]

    God Strikes Midwest With May Snow, Gays To Blame

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    God distributes the weather patterns so as to make a rainbow color appear on meteorologists reports on the 4:00 pm news. God was giving a warning that the following day, he would strike down everyone’s plans for a nice, warm Spring. Only one day ago, the weather in Kansas looked fabulously gay. God gave the symbol of the rainbow on weather charts, giving us a 24-hour warning and clear sign that the weather was about to change. The rainbow symbolizes […]

    Miley Cyrus Racy V For Vajayjay Photoshoot Bends Gender Lines

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    First it was Britney Spears who frolicked about Los Angeles busy as ever, with her best Lex Luthor haircut. Then Emma Watson cut her hair short and decided to shine off her beaver cleaver, confusing all ages of men in the process. Now we see the onus of racy responsibility has fallen upon the noticeably broad shoulders of Miley Cyrus. View this image › Image by Mario Testino for V Magazine View this image › Miley Cyrus is doing the […]

    HIV Cure ‘Within Months’, What Does This Mean for Christians?

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    HIV To Be Cured Within Months As seen with former NBA superstar Magic Johnson, HIV can be controlled with strong cocktails of expensive pharmaceuticals. But even if Magic Johnston stopped his medicinal regimen, the reservoir of virii in his blood stream would explode and exponentially increase in viral load, eventually leading to full blown AIDS. This is the fate of HIV for the most wealthy and fortunate of patients. All can soon change, however, with an announcement by Danish scientists: […]

    Paul Ryan Gay Adoption Bolsters New Conservative Agenda

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Janesville, Wisconsin – With dress sleeves neatly rolled back, revealing tanned, muscular arms earned by hours of faithful devotion to one’s body, Paul Ryan high-fived a gay parent who came to this morning’s Republican Town Hall meeting in Janesville, Wisconsin. Paul Ryan came out today, in support of gay adoption. For years liberals have manipulated the media to make it seem the true progressive party of America, Republican, would never support a child have two mothers or two fathers. Today’s […]

    Obama Tortures A Cancer Child To Draw Attention Away From Gun Control Laws

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    In an act that most people called “Caring” or “Respectful”, Barrack Obama committed treason, hate crimes, and pedophilia in one “Photo-Op”. After all of the torture that the American people have received from the Sub-Saharan Dictator, don’t we deserve a little respect from him too? We sat silent during Benghazi, we didn’t ask to see Osama’s body, we knew that he couldn’t have possibly hired two Russian kids to blow up the Boston Marathon, but now all those things are […]

    Russians Plan To Blow Up America’s Space Station With Olympic Torch

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    Even though 3/4 of the World has repeatedly called for the 2014 Winter Olympics to be removed from Russia and placed in a more Godly Country, like America, the Russians seem to have convinced everyone that they aren’t a Global Terrorist Organization again and will be hosting the games in 2014. As one of the most racially tolerant writers on Christwire’s staff, I was given the duty of figuring out what these Red Devils were up to this time. As […]

    Jason Collins Confesses He Is Gay NBA Player, Should NBA Develop Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy?

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Boston, Massachusetts – NBA star Jason Collins shocked fans worldwide when he announced that he is gay. In the early hours of the morning, Collins could no longer hold his secret. He felt the need to let the grieving city of Boston know that he is a gay man. Traditionaly, it could be said that one’s private life should have no effect on how you are treated on the court. But look at how the liberal media treats people like […]