Egyptian President Morsi has just declared himself a New Pharoah, boasting sweeping new powers that include glowing eyes, invincibility and ability to make others bend to his will with just a shake of her serpent staff. Such powers are terrifying and immoral, yet somehow after nearly 2,000 years the Egyptian [...]

Now that Obama has secured himself another term in office, he’s drunk with power and flagrantly lifting his legs to teabag morality right in the face.  He has no fear or shame to his game now.  He’s out there right now, fighting to do all sorts of horrible things to [...]

By Mark E. Figs God has driven a holy spike into the heart of the gay homosexuality community. Known for being a depraved group of sex addicts, they were struck with the news that the “Hostess” who enable them to hook up with “Ho-Hos” and “Twinkies” was being shut down! Next on [...]

100,000 Texans have now signed onto a petition on WhiteHouse.gov in which they express their support in seceding from the Union. While the act of secession is patently illegal for 49 U.S. states, in Texas the state reserves the right to secede from the Union with a popular vote that’s [...]

As if America’s once proud economy and culture were not already low enough, now are great artists are making 25 pound sculptures of Honey Boo Boo. Honey Boo Boo is a show that follows the Theory of Hillbilly, as brilliantly put forward on Slate.com. The theory forwards the idea that [...]

Ditka Suffers Stroke, Obama to blameCold and rugged, poised and confident, Mike Ditka and the 1980s Chicago Bears represented the gritty determination of America that stared down stone-cold Soviet communism, and won. It was nothing more than the Bears’ Superbowl Shuffle that tore down the walls separating Nazi-commie Germany from [...]

For generations Twinkies and American children have gone together like rainbow butterflies and Easter happiness. Twinkies are a staple of any healthy childhood for an American child and should be a core component of lunch after a job well done. The sweet, creamy inside is one of the proudest inventions [...]

First and foremost, I want to thank all of you who turned out and voted for team Romney/Ryan.  It was a tough stretch and we gave the White House a good run, but unfortunately we have learned that gaming the White Establishment vote is no longer a sure win technique to win the [...]

  The Stalking Cat Man, born Dennis Avner, has passed away in his Tonopah, Nevada, home.  He was only 54-years-old.  Going by his Native American animal spirit name ‘Stalking Cat Man’ after his career in the Navy, Avner received rewards and accolades for having the most extensive body modifications.  Avner’s [...]

All throughout America, there are men who live in shame and constantly worry about public appearances with their best friend, their dog. Deep in their hearts, they know that at any given moment their dog can create a public display of homosexuality: frantically licking a discarded chicken bone, sashaying with tail upright and [...]

For years, the Sphinx monument has stood as a source of pride and determination for the nation of Egypt and the rest of the Arabic world. What the Statue of Liberty means for peace, prosperity and democracy to America, the Sphinx stands as a beacon of defiance, tyranny and terror [...]

If you are in a relationship, you may wish to know that Facebook is now using your relationship to market ‘Facebook Relationships’. Now, every single action that you and your significant other do can be stalked by the world. Every image, every moment or anything else the two (or more) [...]

The brilliant engineers of YouTube have brought mankind one step closer to creating a universal translator.   On every rap video on Youtube, if you are signed into your accound and logging in from a nice suburban home or perhaps a tier one university, you will be given an option to ‘Turn [...]

By Mark E. Figs Yes. Everyone knows that Twitter is a cyberspace hangout for steampunks, web-rebels and porno freaks, all of whom hangout in chat forums and sin against the Bible by tweeting on Sunday. With all of the depraved sinners (Garfield, Skrillex, Doug The Bounty Hunter) on Twitter , [...]

My good Republican friends, we can all now sit back and relax.   Today our Lord has answered our one and only prayer, that we do not have a melanin-rich man as president for the next four years.  I said it and you know that is what we need.  In this time of [...]