Have you noticed it’s a little darker than usual outside? It’s no coincidence that the Winter Solstice is on a crash course collision with The End  Days as predicted by Mayan Time keepers. That marks today’s sunrise on  12-21-2012 as the official Dawn of Destruction, it is upon us [...]

Since I can no longer purchase bath salts without getting stared at by La’Sagna the black clerk at the local dollar store, I decided to take it upon myself to watch the always-liberal CNN network. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Moments into viewing this program, Jesus appeared to me in a vision and instructed me to “learn” and I was suddenly full of his heavenly warmth. The truth of bath salts was revealed to me, and you are lucky enough to read the information that was given to me by Jesus Christ moments after he pulled out, and released my body from his heavenly grip.

You may be wondering if a zombie attack is a Christian ideal. Of course it isn’t. Such a thing could only be caused by homogay scientists and their crazy witchcraft. In the case of such a blasphemy, staunch conservatives must remember that most, if not all, of the infected will [...]