By now we have all seen the very grainy Bigfoot caliber footage that claims our good friend Lauren Boebert, R-Colorado, was caught doing debaucherous crochet patterns in the lap after her date to a Beetlejuice II theater production.
Then as to besmirch her character even more, the attacks go on to say Boebert was getting high on the gateway drug ‘vape’ and then even worse was allowing her child feeders to be touched by unmarried hands.
These levels of accusations demand a fair trial and evaluation, which we shall provide.
