Halloween, commonly known in the homosexual community as ‘Gay Christmas’, is one of the most dangerous days of the year for heterosexual men.
With men showing off their bodies with ‘Hunky Cop’ and ‘Egyptian Ab Pharaoh’ outfits, gays cannot help but salivate and have the times of their lives as they watch from afar, waiting to unload their tainted candies upon unsuspecting dads and frat bros just trying to enjoy a good night out.
With drunken bodies showing off glimpses of hard-earned abs flashing beneath ‘Naughty Pharaoh’ or ‘Hunky Cop’ costumes, straight men do not realize that every Halloween gays are eagerly awaiting to see them in these fantasy outfits and to ply them with candies that increase sensuality and blur the lines between homosexual lust and moral behavior.
While parents are often most focused on inspecting the candy that their kids may eat after trick-or-treating, the CDC reports the greatest threat actually involves candies put out at private or corporate Halloween parties, where inside sources report gays commonly prey on ‘lone straights’ who catch their eyes and casually offer them candy laced with elicit, homosexual-inducing drugs such as minced-up marijuana or liquid ecstasy/LSD.
Being no strangers to intense raver and party scenes, most gays have great mastery of chemistry and mixing drinks and candies so that the taste of an underlying drug is concealed.
Gays get excited to shop for ‘Gay Christmas’, oft seen skipping and sauntering through their posh gayborhoods as they buy costume accessories and perfumes, waiting for day to turn night where they will lure unspecting men to a testesterone fueled savaging of morality and flesh.
These skills are routinely employed on Halloween to make lurid concoctions that will leave 1 out of 5 men waking up groggy and without memories — and sometimes without their costumes — the Sunday after Halloween.
The CDC confirms that single, straight men are the most at-risk demographic to be the victim of tainted Halloween candies or party drinks this Halloween and should use the buddy system to make sure they return home safely.
The Christian Defense League of Texas encourages party-goers to avoid any brightly, homosexually colored candies handed out at parties and to also be suspicious of ‘retro-candies’ that may invoke nostalgia, but are surely laced and primed to cause a man to become pliable in a homosexual encounter.