Parents Beware: Moist Hallmark Christmas Movie Vixens Are Plotting To Steal Your College Son’s Virginity and Future This Christmas Break

Spread the Holy Word

Parents, I urgently write this heartfelt letter to you to warn that your son’s immortal soul, career and future are all at risk. Jezebel young women are to blame. You must take action and heed these words now.

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Little does Harvard Jonny know that his two high school gal pals have nefarious machinations as they perform Satanic rituals to cast him into their Christmas RomCom fantasies, where he will give up his high powered future for a life working in a gas station and being married to a bad attitude gothic stripper wife who get extra shifts at the Waffle House.

With your sons returning home from college for winter break, beware the local neighborhood Jezebels. They have been watching Hallmark Channel Romcoms, getting all moist and dreaming of snatching your son up from his dreams of becoming a doctor or lawyer, tethering him down with welfare babies, a mechanic job and all their new age spin the bottle witchcrafts. Please keep your young scholars away from these temptresses and their holiday spells.

The history of how this happens is a story old as time and known to those who have watched it played out on a Lifetime or Hallmark channel movie.

A young man grows up in morality and uses intense focus to land a dream career. He is succesful, standing on the precipice of passing down generational wealth to his soon to be heirs.

But he comes back to his smalltown roots on Christmas break. And unbeknownst to him, little Hot Topic loving harems of Jezebels are awaiting, their life of bookwriting barista or Denny’s waitress not quite giving them the glam and glory they dreamt of when young. They will hear your son is coming back and then make blood pacts with other local women, inviting your son to their homes to play devil games like spin the bottle on the salted pentagram to intoxicate his mind, body and spirit with lust, as we see in the undercover feature image.

Christmas RomComs have left the cabals of ‘hometown girls’ yearning and desperate to cast their woo spells over young men who return home from college or a powerful career.

Take Exhibit A, the DJ Cameron Bure, who was once called the ‘Queen of Christmas movies.’ The plot is always the same. The perfectly white teeth, perfectly wifed hair and glimmering eyes a window into a soul that is patently Christian. Yet, in real life, even she brags about enjoying marriage coitaling time with her husband.

Have you or your son been taken in by Rombom addicted hometown vixens? Please share your harrowing story here if so:x

Any righteous person understands that this act is meant to be solemn and done in shame. The revealing a secret parts a throwback to the punishment God laid upon mankind when Eve decided to eat of the forbidden fruit.

A man and wife should be avoiding eye-contact with one another, grimacing and still as possible until the acts of shame and creating of life is fulfilled as per mankind’s curse and requirement.

Yet, we see in these movies these RomCom Christmas actresses romantacize everything and make it seem like it’s supposed to be perky and fun, passionate and fulfilling. This madness should be expected from actresses who spent time with the likes of the questionably heterosexual John Stamos’, with his deep piercing eyes and perfect hair tossed by the zephery winds of exotic Greek islands. The sexual bravado and luring are too coincidental and there is a blatant agenda with these holiday movies.

Parents, please beware and keep your sons home when they come visit this winter. The RomCom mistresses in your hometown will be awaiting and inspired by these holiday movies.

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Once considered an adorable and likeable version of Neil DeGreasse Tyson, Steve Urkel’s story is one of young genius turned to ruin. Despite his God-given brilliance, he fell spell to the wiles to the eldest daughter of the Winslow family, a shady assortment of people who hid the disappearance of their youngest daughter. He left behind his future as a superscientist and got tied up with Laura Winslow. Now look at the sorrow in elder Steve Urkel’s eyes now as he sits next to his wife’s bad big-hanging earring secretary attitude, a fate that awaits any male victim of Hallmark Romcom movie or even sitcom romance.
  • Marion

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