Is my wife a secret lesbian? In an age where dark sciences allow humans to alter the very genes and phenotypic expressions once thought to be hard-coded by God and his angels, the question is very relevant and upon exploration very shocking for men worldwide.
There is a concept that husbands should beware in these new dark days: The Schrödinger’s lesbian. This philosophical topic describes the state that most women exist in this day and age. Simply put, it posits the thought experiment that there could exist a duality where a woman can be both devoted to her nuclear family yet fall into the snaretrap of secret lesbianism, her thirst for the wanton carnality and femme masculinity periodically overriding her genetic desire to marry a man and raise a family.
Schrödinger’s lesbianism is the key in answering if your wife is a secret lesbian or not. The dual nature of her habits and actions make it hard to find, but as with all things ‘the truth comes out in the wash’. Methodically analyzing the nuance of your wife’s daily habits, her body and her possessions will give you all the ammunition you need to confront her and know if she is a moral person. Please use these tests to detect if you wife is engaged in Schrödinger’s lesbianism:
The Pillow Princess Test: Ever since the fall of Mike Lindell, there is typically nothing moral about pillows anymore. In lesbian culture a Pillow Princess is a posh, a woman who is coy and indifferent to what the typical gruff, enthusiastic lesbian is doing to her undercarriage. Women will oft pretend that if they act snooty toward acts of lesbianism being performed, it is just like they are not participating. This is synonymous with handshake homosexuality that is popular at West coast colleges.
To see if your wife has fallen into the Pillow Princess lifestyle, use a Pavlov test on her.
- Invite your wife to bed early to take a load off. Don’t do anything she likes to set a mood aside from giving her a urban grey pillow or placing one beneath the small of her back.
- As she lays on the pillow, methodically lick your lips and spray Old Spice or Prada Candy scents into the air. These are the scents of choice in the lesbian community. If your wife starts to show signs of being turned on, confront her. Odds are she has been engaged with Pillow Princess lesbianism.
Vagitarian: A hallmark of eccentric bedroom proclivities is found in diet. Many secret lesbians will dramatically change their diet when they are pre-planning to engage in the sinful acts associated with the lifestyle. If your wife and girlfriend typically loves to grab some Chipotle or food from a local Mexican spot, you can very easily catch her adapting to a vagitarian diet.
- When prepping for a night of lesbial coitus, a woman will try to avoid spicy foods to prevent her fertile crescent from being inflamed and irritated.
- Order an assortment of irresistable spicy food, fatty food and tequila. If your wife is desperately avoiding eating any of these before ‘a girl’s night out’, you can rest assured that she is planning to do unmentionable deed of flesh with her girlfriends to quench her thirst for estrogen-fueled release.
Analyze Her Underwear/Panties: The terminology and playbook for lesbianism is very confusing for a moral-minded person. Words like hard top, no-touch top, bottom, switch and top energy sound more like commands you would give the autoboy detailing your car. But the only car hood that’s being shimmied here is that of your wife’s. Do this test and learn the truth:
- Pull out your wife’s going out undies. If they are boxers, you may actually have a secret ‘butch’ in your midst who has been using you from day one. But if you find more delicate, proper female panties, pay attention to the part that sits beneath her gootch and directly below the seperator flap.
- This part of the underwear may look a little rough and worn compared to the rest. If so, your wife is likely doing what lesbians call the trib ritual, or the scissor technique where they illegally align their reproductive parts and move them to cause pleasure. They will do this with fabric in between sometime to temporarily censor and tantalize before they fully give in to Lillith’s forbidden dance.