Ice Spice: The New Fall Seasoned Danger to Your Son’s Morality and Wallet

Ice Spice Dancing

Ice Spice Sin Rating (7.5/10): D for Devilish

With her Pumpkin-colored head and Bronx red-beans and rice curves, Ice Spice is the latest danger to your son’s morality this fall season.

At first glance you may think Ice Spice is just the new urban market mascot for Starbucks’ autumn pumpkin spiced witchcraft brews. While her sultry, scantily clad Gaia Spirit-of-the-Earth gyrations and musical stylings may cast a spell over the eyes and soul of onlookers, make no mistake this new ‘musical artist’ is not just some cheap marketing ploy to sell more venti pumpkin spice frapuccinos.

With over 10 million spell-cast acolytes on social media and a millionaire net worth, Ice Spice has joined the world’s rich and powerful elite. Unlike her other boricua cohorts in the Bronx, Ice Spice has Nigeriafro-Domican ancestry which is twice as spicy in attitude and sultriness than Puerto Rican. With her Bronx-baddie vibes and fearlessness, she is conquering the airwaves and filling the mind and eyes of men, women and children with some of the most cobra Kaa eyed hypnotism the musical world has ever seen.

This day and age it seems new rappers with odd names are littering the headlines: Lil Boozi, Lil Uzi, Kid Cupri, Da Glorilla, Da Game. So it is very easy to get them all confused. The guys all wear tight yoga pants and Euro-bags, but then talk about gang-banging, rachet girlfriends and cars. The women rappers just twerk like usual. It is easy to get all the new ‘artists’ in the urban music league confused. But then there are a few danger diamonds in the rough and Ice Spice reigns supreme.

Let us summarize some of the most alarming things of this new artist and her hypnotized fans:

Twerking

Her fans will claim they are not hypnotized, but then they go and spend $500,000 to go on a date with her.  Granted, the Jordan Poole boy had to have some sense slapped into him by old school Draymond Greene, but this takes it to an all new level of proof.

Imagine, you are just a good, hardworking music producer trying to make some urban beats and sell albums.  You open your office door and this is what greets you.  Flopping and flapping Bronx bread steak meat, clapping and applauding your entry with coordinated gluteal muscle movements.  Then ten years later she will be writing a memoir with the help of Jada Pinket Smith trying to claim the big bad music producer lured her into the music office.

This is only the tip of the icebert.  Some of the other imagery of her is so saucy that the sin rating exceeds our current allowances to post, but you get the drift.  She just assumes the doggy yoga pose to further increase the Autumn witchcraft effects of her music and media sales show is is highly effective in both the male and female demographics.

Alliances With Ratchet Friends

Like any female person who rules an empire or commands an urban music following, Ice Spice has allied herself with the usual girl-power suspects:  Cardi B, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, Rema.   Her first producer was the infamous RiotUSA.  That name just makes you think of democrats scaling the walls of the rotunda trying to reign in a new age of darkness.

Even before all these liberal darkness artists brought Ice Spice into their coven of musical sins.  In the image here, we can see Ice Spice wielding lightning demon magic to cast a spell over the crowd along with her Ice Princess friend Taylor Swift using her powers to cast liberal thoughts on the crowd.  Look at how the sulfury smoke clouds of hell encircle them as they take stage.  While a few urban community organizers protested Ice Spice’s attempts to create pumpkin spice deli meat pregnancies, resistance has been futile.

Please receive this warning and message:  the power of Ice Spice is very real and it stings just as much as any over-seasoned Autumn drink.  If you drink of it, it will wilt the leaves of your soul into a morally bereft crunchy pile of brush kindling for the devil.

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