How to Use Tinder to Find a Female Date and Avoid Sneaky Gays: A Step-by-Step Tutorial

The Quick Facts

We’ve all been in this hard place before. On Tinder you meet ‘Pat’ but when you get to the restaurant, it turns out it is not Patricia, but Patrick with piercing blue eyes, promises of a coastal boat ride and free drinks at any bar of your choice for a nightcap. Little do many men on Tinder realize that the gay community’s newest favorite recruiting ground for easy prey are naive Christian men who use the app.

We’ve all been there before. It is a Friday night after a long work week. Much like Adam in the Garden of Eden, we get lonely and need a companion to take to a nice movie and perhaps grab a coffee after the show. As we will see, we can fire up a dating app such as Tinder.

Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps, allowing you to connect with potential partners in your area. Simply creating a profile and then finding a nice, single lady in your area seems like it would be simple enough, but there’s always an opportunist lying in wait to prey upon your lonliness.

Ask any guy who has used Tinder and you will hear the same. There are ‘hundreds of not thousands of women eager for a nice date’ but when you get to the meetup location, a buff man with a gleam in his eye and a happy pocket full of cash lies in wait. In your lonliness, you may try to see the date and night through, leading you through a confusing mix of hard drinks, flickering lights and forged memories that can only be smelted away in the fiery altars of prayer and repentance.

Sociologists have calculated that of all the women on Tinder, 80% are actually gay men who want to catfish a date with a nice young man caught of guard. Using their flashy cars, promises of boat rides up the coast and feasts at the finest restaurants, their snare trap can catch many off guard and lead to sin unmentionable.

If you’re interested in finding a date using Tinder and avoiding this surly fate, follow these step-by-step instructions:

1. Download and Install the Tinder App: Head to your app store, search for “Tinder,” and download/install the app on your smartphone. Sign up for an account using your Facebook account or phone number.
2. Set Up Your Profile: Once you’re done with the installation, open the app and tap “Sign In.” Follow the prompts to create your profile. Choose a few attractive photos, but make sure to put some in that will make gays frustrated. Do some that show you worshiping with your youth group. Write a concise and engaging bio, and mention your interests to help potential matches get to know you better. Make sure to mention that you use the buddy system on dates, so you will always have a few of your good friends nearby to keep you from the surly wiles of sneaky gays on Tinder.
3. Adjust Your Settings: Tap on the profile icon at the top left corner, then go to “Settings.” Here, you can customize your preferences like age range, distance, and gender. Make sure your settings align with your dating preferences. If you like older ladies, beware the ‘Silver Foxes’ like Anderson Cooper who may say ‘they are a kindly lady who wants a good evening’ but then whammo! They are trying to pull a Kathy Griffin on your pants.
4. Start Swiping: Tap on the flame icon at the bottom center to start browsing profiles. Tinder will show you potential matches one at a time. Swipe right if you’re interested in someone or left if you want to pass. You can also tap the heart icon to Super Like someone. Beware that the flame and heart icon are suspicious of their own accord.
5. Cautiously Engage in Conversation: If someone you liked also swipes right on your profile, you’ll both match, and you can start a conversation. Tap the chat bubble icon at the bottom to access your matches. Be respectful, have fun, and get to know each other better through conversation. Ask ‘gotcha’ questions that will reveal if the person you’re chatting with is actually a secret gay man. “Who is your favorite musician?” If the answer if Cher and Shania Twain, run! Swipe left furiously as you make your way back to your car or subway stop.
6. Upload Moment Photos: Consider sharing “Moment” photos to give your matches a glimpse into your daily life. It’s an icebreaker and helps in sparking conversations. Make sure the moments reveal that you take your faith seriously and it would be a waste of time trying to seduce you into ‘the lifestyle’.
7. Explore Additional Features: Tinder offers various features like Tinder Boost (increases profile visibility), Tinder Passport (change your location to connect with people in other areas), and Tinder Gold (unlock premium features). Experiment with these features as you become more comfortable with the app.
8. Safety First: While Tinder provides options to report and block users, it’s essential to prioritize your safety. Always meet your matches in public places, inform a friend about your plans, and trust your instincts. Have your pastor or priest pray for your phone and plan to send hourly updates or requests for advice as the big moment of meetup approaches.

Remember, Tinder is just a tool to meet new people, and there’s no guarantee of finding a date right away. Be patient, stay positive, and enjoy the process of getting to know others. Happy swiping!

Note: Online dating can vary across cultures and regions. It’s important to respect local norms and guidelines when using Tinder in different countries.