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    Biersacking, the Newest Trend That Will Get Your Daughter Pregnant

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Andy Sixx stands erect as frenzied by the throbbing sounds of Jinxx’s guitar crescendo and wafting marijuana throw the airs of Colorado, a pack of wild college co-eds clamor for their chance to have a public “Biersacking” on stage with the modern day Ron Jeremy in Corinthian leathers, Andy Biersack. As I investigated things to warn you about today, I was not shocked to find my old sparring buddy Andy Biersack is still inventing new ways to make female fans […]

    College Technology: Flaskpons

    by Derek Van Buren - View all comments

    You have to see it to believe it, so here you go: Now available at fine retailers near you, comes booze tubes full encased in the all-too-familiar tampon brand packaging.  While there may be some McDowell’s vs. McDonald’s style, courtesy of Coming to America styled corporate brand discrepancy shenanigans, I have to imagine that the amount of students sneaking off to use the loo in the coming schoolyear will greatly increase. It is worth saying, parents, sneak into your daughter’s […]

    Spicy Gay Marriage Couples Causing Heat Waves in Vegas, California

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Only two days after the Supreme Court overturned DOMA and greenlit gay marriage in every state that will legalize it, the temperatures in California and Nevada have sizzled. The burning passions and celebrations of gay couples have been so furious, that it is actually causing a global warming effect.  For years I fought against the thought of global warming, but now we see that there is a direct correlation between the number of frenzied gay marriage couples and the quick […]

    Top Ten Most Evil Poke Balls

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Pokémon is a dangerous game released by Blizzard, the same company responsible for titles like Skyrim and World of Witchcraft.  Pokémon is basically a spinoff of Spore, a game where the player is taught that creatures ‘evolve’ from bacteria in the ocean to space-faring races who can recreate life on a whim. For parents worried that their young ones may become involved in Pokémon, here are the most dangerous Poke Balls you may hear your child talking about.  As the […]

    Glow In The Dark Lamborghini Impounded By London Police

    by Charles Atchison - View all comments

    If you are the 24-year-old son of Qatar’s ruling family, rich from oil-wealth, a $500,000 glow in the dark Lamborghini is within the realm of ‘reasonable to own’. Unfortunately for the Qatar royal, British police are not very fond of fast, glow-in-the dark Lamborghinis spooking the streets of London.

    Proof That Science is Sorcery

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Science is sorcery.  If you do not agree with that, then I welcome you to read Genesis 1:1 and answer the question where the Bible says “In the beginning, Scientists created heaven and the Earth.”  You will find that it does not, because there is only one Master Scientist, and his name is not richard dawkins. But I digress.  This video easily proves that science is sorcery.

    Irrefutable Proof of Global Warming

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    Let’s face it: the Earth is getting warmer. Global warming is a reality. We better figure something out before the day after tomorrow. If the trend in underwear fashion isn’t proof enough, perhaps just our general sense of common sense should be. Winters around the country have become more sporadic, and the deep freeze winters from childhood are truly just a distant memory. Winter used to mean frost-bitten faces and a hawky gale so cold from the North, that Mike […]

    Barack Obama Vows to Remove Cursive Handwriting As Requirement in School, So Future Generations Cannot Read Constitution

    by Mike Watson - View all comments

    Barack Obama has a secret, new agenda that is aimed directly at the freedom of your children. Hidden deep within the Affordable Care Act that not one Congressional leader has read from start to finish, Obama and his minions in the Senate hid legislation that allows schools to remove teaching the cursive handwriting to students. Without knowledge of how to read cursive, these students have no ability to read historical documents, sign legal documents or bank notes, or even become […]

    Bert and Ernie Come Out of Closet, the Homosexualizing of America

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    The Homogay Agenda has made bold moves against the ailing Moral Majority. For years, we all knew this day would come. The hippie philosopher Kurt Cobain said of his generation, “What more can I say, everyone is gay.” And I think with the new generation of America, everyone is a little gay friendly. Much like Paula Deen, I is what I is. I am a Reverend who was raised in the Bible belt. When I see one of my grandkids […]

    Pacifica Shark Attacks Kayaker Near Linda Mar

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    A great white shark attacked a fisherman and his kayak late Tuesday afternoon, shocking locals around the Pacifica State Beach.  According to police reports, the shark attack took place only 200 yards from shore.  A fisherman, Micah Flanaburg, was fishing with his father-in-law when suddenly a great white shark exploded from beneath the water to attack the kayak. According to Flanaburg in an interview with San Francisco’s KPIX, the shark first came from underneath the boat and began to violently shake […]

    Tsunami Waves Spotted in New Jersey, Supreme Court Overturning Defense of Marriage Act to Blame

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Yesterday, I ran the image above on my weather report on KTTV, warning over suspicious rumblings in the ocean.  We all knew that the belly of our Lord rumbled, because in less than 24-hours the Supreme Court would have to rule if they would keep marriage holy, or turn it over to be spoiled and sullied by the liberal masses. And today they ruled:  gays can be married. No sooner than the announcement was made, this is what we saw! […]

    Chinese Superscientists Unleash Asian Tiger Mosquitoes in America

    by Abe - View all comments

    Able to fly at speeds exceeding 40 miles per hour, about to pince and pierce through 6 ply solid aluminum foil, wings and landing so silent that NASA weigh machines cannot detect it, the Asian Tiger Mosquito is the ultimate predator, and this summer it awaits the sweet, innocent blood of you and your family. This beast can grow up to one inch long and drink a half-pint of blood in one setting.  It can carry every disease known to […]

    Of Course I’ve Used the N Word From Time to Time, But I’m Not Racist

    by Monroe Mason - View all comments

    Of course I’ve used the N word from time to time, but I am not racist.  You should feel the same way too. The United States of America is a big gumbo pot with all sorts of flavors and colors.  When we simmer together with our rich history, we get a rich cultural stew that all the world just wishes they could get a taste of.  Being raised in Snellville, Georgia, I always had good experience with our coloreds housekeeping […]

    If Richard Nixon Was Impeached For Spying on Two Buildings, Why Is Obama Not Impeached for Spying on Entire Nation?

    by Frank Meyer - View all comments

    Has America truly become a land of undeserving morons?  After 9/11, many in the nation flocked behind President Bush, not questioning the unpatriotic Patriot Acts trampling of the US Constitution and tradition, which guarantees a certain degree of presumption of innocence, liberty and freedom from being oppressed without undue harassment by government agents. But fast forward a decade and America is becoming a very fascist state.  We whine and complain about TSA agents fondling random citizens and commenting on our […]

    In Bizarre Twist of Fate, Russians Protect American Snowden’s Freedom

    by Jerry Cohen - View all comments

    Senator Joseph McCarthy is beyond spinning and has kicked open his grave, because he has to see it for himself to believe it.  The former USSR has taken it upon itself to protect the rights and freedoms of a man being hailed as a hero by many, but a traitor by his government.  While public opinion is remarkably divided on the actions of Eric Snowden, who leaked information that the Obama Administration and the NSA are spying on every American’s […]