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    God Explodes Japanese Volcano 500th Time This Year To Destroy Fukushima Godzilla Creature Nests

    by Abe - View all comments

    Behold the power of God! Wammo! Here we see God is nuking Mount Mordor outside Fukushima, because within a fiery volcano Satan is using all the Fukushima nuclear reactant runoff to splice DNA and create evolved genetic abominations! Here in this evidence you can see Satan has evolved a winged Godzilla lizard!  Look at the vile beast bay its hay skyward and shriek in defiance to God!  There were no creatures like this on Noah’s ark so that means that […]

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    Drugs, Racism, and Mostly Naked Trainers All In The Pokemon Games

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Dearest Comrades, Let me be the first to point out to you all that the Pokémon games have tempted and cheated your sons and daughters into tricking your eyes that they are noble and dedicated Christians! They have been lying and cheating you into thinking that they are well behaved little school children and obedient offspring to do chores and homework when they’re told to. It’s all a bunch of lies and deceptions! The years have come and gone with […]

    Chinese Man Tries To Sneak On Plane With Pet Turtle Disguised as Cheeseburger

    by Amber Vos Savant - View all comments

    Chinese man tries to sneak on plane with pet turtle disguised as cheeseburger One resourceful man from China tried to sneak his pet turtle through customs by hiding the creature in a hamburger container.  The man slapped two slices of bread, lettus, tomato and special sauce on the turtle, trying to fully hide its identity the South China Morning Post reports. The backstory here starts in the terminal for a China Southern Airline.  A man wanted to sneak his pet […]

    Cross of Jesus Found? Proves Christianity Is Real

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Atheists worldwide tremble in fear tonight, because archaeologists have found the cross of Jesus. Everyone from Richard Dawkins to Neil DeGrasse Tyson must now sleep with one eye open, as they lay scared in the dark that Satan may be lurking in the shadows, salivating for their non-repentant souls.

    German Mother Pops Out 13.47 Pound Baby, Vaginally

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Sin-shooter, neighbor-of-anus, the slurping salmon.  Call it what you will, but somewhere in Germany a mother popped out a 13.47 pound baby, vaginally. Shocked Asian doctor to the right cannot even calculate how this baby was able to pop out. In a headline that can only come from post-nuclear Chernobyl or a random village in eastern Germany (which this does), a German baby named Jasleen has taken the title of the world’s heaviest baby. Being a tough German woman who […]

    Queen Elizabeth Delivers World War III Speech, Declares War on “Irreverant, Infant Nations, Especially America”

    by Scott Grunhard - View all comments

    London, England – In a shocking display of long-forgotten regal fury, the Queen of England perched herself upon her throne and declared war upon the entire world.  Calling it her “World War III” speech, the Queen of England has vowed to restore the British Empire to its former glory and to fully punish the United States for being a ‘whiny little brat in the food court, dirty chocolate-filled fingers clamoring with greed for more, more, more!’ Before getting into the […]

    Dog Eats Paralyzed Man’s Testicle, Covert Lesbian Dog-Trainers To Blame?

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Trumann, Arkansas – A terrifying, impromptu savaging carried out by a dog is being hailed as a victory by a rag-tag troupe of lesbians in Arkansas. Poinsett County reports a Trumann man woke up early Monday morning to find his new Bichon pet dog was eating one of his testicles.  The man was paralyzed from the waist down and confirmed to police he was sleeping when the incident took place. According to reports, around 7:45 on Monday the man awoke […]

    Is the HyperLoop an attack on the Christian Family?

    by Ice Van Winkle - View all comments

    A white Christian man cannot read the newspaper these days without running into an article dripping with excitement over Elon Musk. So I decided it was my duty to find out who this man is and what does he want to do to America. First the facts: Elon Musk is an illegal immigrant from Australia who has received generous welfare payments IN THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS from that Kenyan in the White House. Secondly, he hates cars and the American […]

    Science Killed Evolution

    by Ed Kryslak - View all comments

    Hello Liberal Atheist Rubbáge, I have become well aware of your pathetic Satan inspired theory of EVOLUTION and your worship of SCIENCE. I shall make my statement short but sweet, if you believe in your OHHH so erroneous Evolution, and worship it so fully, and Know that, that is how life should progress, WHY would you allow the rampant use of SCIENCE and SOCIAL PROGRAMS to nip it in  it’s bud? Isn’t medicine allowing gene traits that would otherwise die […]

    Zimmerman SUV Rescue Staged Boy Fox NewsCorp, Tried to Spin-off Zimmer Man Tv Series

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Fox News and NewsCorp are embroiled in a new scandal after claiming today that George Zimmerman rescued a family from an SUV.  Rachel Maddow came out blistering mad, claiming Fox News tells lies.  Allegations surfaced that Fox News and its parents company, NewsCorp, are trying to flush out the ‘Action Night’ timeslots by creating a new gritty hero adventure entitled ZimmerMan:  Stand Your Ground. The series is to star a young, gritty actor, worn down by a national witchhunt following […]

    George Zimmerman Saves Black Family From Overturned SUV, Performs First Miracle Proving His Holy Innocence

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    A Florida family’s SUV overturned on a rural highway yesterday. As the stunned family lay trapped and motionless in the vehicle, a man identifying himself as one George Zimmerman emerged to save them. This is the same George Zimmerman who only days ago, the left-wing liberal media labeled a cold-blooded opportunist with no redeeming qualities. Authorities have now revealed such is not the case, as Zimmerman set aside his growing international celebrity and embraced humility as he stepped out of […]

    Geraldo Rivera Tweets Topless Selfie In Desperate Attempt to Reverse Sagging Ratings

    by Scott Grunhard - View all comments

    70-year-old Geraldo Rivera is the latest celebrity to strip bare on Twitter to garner more viewers, but the shortsighted media team at Fox News Corp. failed to realize that the public would be generally disgusted and belly-churned by the following image. WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING-IMAGE MEDIA CONTAINS A 70-YEAR-OLD MAN WRAPPED IN A SPA TOWEL, TRYING TO TO HINT AT HIS METAMUCIL-TONED LANDING STRIP REGION IN PROVOCATIVE PARIS HILTON-ESQUE FASHION.  PRAY AND DEMAND WOMEN AND CHILDREN LEAVE THE ROOM BEFORE VIEWING. […]

    Questlove Uses Voodoo Magic To Infect Innocent White Grandmother With Amazing Urban Drumplaying Skills

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Questlove is using some sort of strange powers to trick innocent suburban grandmothers into being little beatmasters.  I believe this is the same power that the Sugarhill Gang used to make innocent grandmothers rap “The Rapper’s Delight” in the 90s and also how Betty White (The Golden Girl) has achieved her wild urban popularity these days.  Somehow, she went from sweet and confused to hip and street-smart. Questlove, the lead rhythm and bassed drummer for the Roots, tricked us all […]

    Satan Teaches Cat How To Twerk Its Sinhole, Evidence

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    I am utterly disgusted right now. As my friends and sources scoured the internet for immoral things to warn you about today, a video appeared in where a white-shorts mamacita is shaking her moneymaker to get more Facebook likes. But it is what happens four seconds into the video that is beyond absolute shock! Look at how the cat presents itself in the classic Poopy-Squat pose, a prone position that makes gay men stamp their hindquarters in heat and mew […]

    How Will Detroit’s Bankruptcy Filing Affect Other Third World Countries?

    by Bruce Myron Danus - View all comments

    Detroit has recently filed for Bankruptcy. This came as no big shock to anyone who has ever watched the television show called “Hardcore Pawn” though. In that show, which is set in a pawn shop in the heart of Detroit, the only people we ever see with nice stuff and money to spend on nice stuff are White people, while the blacks are all lining up to yell at the poor Jewish family that runs the store. We see these […]