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    Bert and Ernie Come Out of Closet, the Homosexualizing of America

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    The Homogay Agenda has made bold moves against the ailing Moral Majority. For years, we all knew this day would come. The hippie philosopher Kurt Cobain said of his generation, “What more can I say, everyone is gay.” And I think with the new generation of America, everyone is a little gay friendly. Much like Paula Deen, I is what I is. I am a Reverend who was raised in the Bible belt. When I see one of my grandkids […]

    Pacifica Shark Attacks Kayaker Near Linda Mar

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    A great white shark attacked a fisherman and his kayak late Tuesday afternoon, shocking locals around the Pacifica State Beach.  According to police reports, the shark attack took place only 200 yards from shore.  A fisherman, Micah Flanaburg, was fishing with his father-in-law when suddenly a great white shark exploded from beneath the water to attack the kayak. According to Flanaburg in an interview with San Francisco’s KPIX, the shark first came from underneath the boat and began to violently shake […]

    Tsunami Waves Spotted in New Jersey, Supreme Court Overturning Defense of Marriage Act to Blame

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Yesterday, I ran the image above on my weather report on KTTV, warning over suspicious rumblings in the ocean.  We all knew that the belly of our Lord rumbled, because in less than 24-hours the Supreme Court would have to rule if they would keep marriage holy, or turn it over to be spoiled and sullied by the liberal masses. And today they ruled:  gays can be married. No sooner than the announcement was made, this is what we saw! […]

    Chinese Superscientists Unleash Asian Tiger Mosquitoes in America

    by Abe - View all comments

    Able to fly at speeds exceeding 40 miles per hour, about to pince and pierce through 6 ply solid aluminum foil, wings and landing so silent that NASA weigh machines cannot detect it, the Asian Tiger Mosquito is the ultimate predator, and this summer it awaits the sweet, innocent blood of you and your family. This beast can grow up to one inch long and drink a half-pint of blood in one setting.  It can carry every disease known to […]

    Of Course I’ve Used the N Word From Time to Time, But I’m Not Racist

    by Monroe Mason - View all comments

    Of course I’ve used the N word from time to time, but I am not racist.  You should feel the same way too. The United States of America is a big gumbo pot with all sorts of flavors and colors.  When we simmer together with our rich history, we get a rich cultural stew that all the world just wishes they could get a taste of.  Being raised in Snellville, Georgia, I always had good experience with our coloreds housekeeping […]

    If Richard Nixon Was Impeached For Spying on Two Buildings, Why Is Obama Not Impeached for Spying on Entire Nation?

    by Frank Meyer - View all comments

    Has America truly become a land of undeserving morons?  After 9/11, many in the nation flocked behind President Bush, not questioning the unpatriotic Patriot Acts trampling of the US Constitution and tradition, which guarantees a certain degree of presumption of innocence, liberty and freedom from being oppressed without undue harassment by government agents. But fast forward a decade and America is becoming a very fascist state.  We whine and complain about TSA agents fondling random citizens and commenting on our […]

    In Bizarre Twist of Fate, Russians Protect American Snowden’s Freedom

    by Jerry Cohen - View all comments

    Senator Joseph McCarthy is beyond spinning and has kicked open his grave, because he has to see it for himself to believe it.  The former USSR has taken it upon itself to protect the rights and freedoms of a man being hailed as a hero by many, but a traitor by his government.  While public opinion is remarkably divided on the actions of Eric Snowden, who leaked information that the Obama Administration and the NSA are spying on every American’s […]

    Drake Denied Access To Heat Locker Room

    by Thad Connely - View all comments

    After the Heat’s hard work finally paid off and they beat the San Antonio Spurs in semi-dramatic fashion, a nearly unibrow man was seen struggling to get into the locker room to celebrate, by yelling “I am Drake”. Internet research reveals this young man is one of the new-age musicians who think they are talented, thus, they are entitled to do things like crash in to the Heat’s celebration.  This guy quickly learned his name or talent do not carry […]

    WoW: Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls Online Beta Causes 97% School Dropout Rate in June

    by Reverend Clyde H. Higgins - View all comments

    Skyrim is a dangerous game series we have constantly warned parents about:  suburban mothers selling their ‘virtues’ for WoW gold, innocent family cats going feral when observing their owners play the game for too long, to the poor man in Sweden who was held down and received a sustained ‘throbbing gristle’ backside ravaging from a wide-eyed guild hopped up on Mountain Dew and Doritos. The problem with Skyrim is the poor pixilation of the characters and long, overly involved story line confuse the […]

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    Adventure Time Legend of Zelda Coming To Cartoon Network This Fall

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Dear Comrades, I’ve noticed that the neighbor children down the street have been watching a cartoon called, Adventure Time on the television. I asked them what this cartoon, Adventure Time, was as I served them some lemon cookies and water. I was shocked to learn that the young children were watching a show made and created by the same communist-ridden Chinese, Legend of Zelda. As it turns out, the cartoon, Adventure Time, is actually based off of the original 1987 […]

    Kardashian Baby Name North West

    by Mike Collins - View all comments

    Kanye West and Kim Kardashian chose North West as their female child’s new name.  Someway, somehow, Kim and Kanye managed to surpass all ridiculous names like Lakwenita or Turkey Butterball and come up with a name so bad that you know every red-haired bully is just waiting for that first day at Belair Academy, where they ask North what it’s like to have Santa Clause always looking for her. If I went to a strip joint in the Antartica, I […]

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    Mobile Pokemon Snap Camera Game Coming To The Gameboy 3DS

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Dearest comrades, I hate to say it but the pokemon company, Nintendo Studios and Gamefreak Studios, have once again teamed up to bring the world of the pocket monsters mobile to the Nintendo Gameboy 3DS. It was stated in a recent article found on HyruleCentral.net that the new Pokemon Snap Camera Game will be coming the Gameboy 3DS. The link for this kind of madness can be found here: http://hyrulecentral.net/pokemon-snap-3ds-2/ This is the same system that will be releasing the […]

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    Pokemon X and Y Game Titles To Trick Teens To Spawn

    by Sandra O'connor - View all comments

    Dear comrades, The recent release of the new pokemon games has raised many questions to concerned parents all across the globe. New pokemon games mean new dangers to your children and teens. With each pokemon game Nintendo Studios releases new subtle messages within the circuits of the game are enticing your children and teens to do and act upon horrible things that would astonish you. In the last few games there were subtle messages of homodandy backstage kissing in caves, […]

    Miley Cyrus New Twerk Video Proves Exactly Why Kids These Days are Horrible

    by Cadence Appleton - View all comments

    Miley Cyrus’ new “We Can’t Stop” video shows why the student cohort of this generation has waning values, judgment and respect for themselves, others. I was in Wal-Mart the other day, shopping for groceries and picking up a few items for a BBQ this weekend. A young woman walked up to her mother and asked, “Can I have this?”. It was one of those new, oversized Coca-Cola near two-liter bottles that they sell for $1. The mother said something like, […]

    AMA Rules Obesity Is A Disease

    by Adam Nelson - View all comments

    America is the most obese country on Earth. From people using their rotund bellies as makeshift tables to Paula Deen adding a smidgin’ of pure lard by the short ton to her cakes, America has grown accustom to lifestyle and habits that lead to body fat accumulation. Today the American Medical Association (AMA) ruled that obesity will be classified as a medical disease. As such, any person who is ruled medically obese is now a diseased individual. While the classification […]