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    21 Secret Terms For What Gay Men Call Their ‘Wood Pecker’

    by Abe - View all comments

    Gay men are spectacularly fascinated with naming conventions for genitalia.  If you spend more than five minutes in a gay bar or neighborhood watched meeting, you will see their quick, darty eyes constantly stealing lusty glimpses at midsections, trying to get a ‘sneak peak’ of the goods.   And let me tell you, there is not much funnier than a gay man when he is all riled up, creative juices fueled by well-mixed Cosmo ticklers. I regularly do undercover Christian investigations […]

    Jesus and Angel Blowing Trumpet Appear Over Florida

    by Abe - View all comments

    Instead of a sunrise in the East Coast of America today, we were treated to a glimpse of inspirational glory. Huffington Post writer Fionna Finn posted this beautiful picture today, which clearly shows Jesus in the foreground flexing his muscles and showing his power to protect us, while in the background on the right you can see an angel bent over in the middle of a soul-moving trumpet solo to wake up God’s country. With all the tragedy we’ve endured […]

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    Oscar Winning Actor Robin Williams Dies of Apparent Suicide

    by Abe - View all comments

      Tragic news on the news wire from Hollywood, California.  According to reports from the Marin County, California, polic department, Robin Williams has died at the age of 63.  The legendary actor and comedian died from an apparent suicide. The Marin County Police released the following statement: On August 11, 2014, at approximately 11:55 a.m, Marin County Communications received a 9-1-1 telephone call reporting a male adult had been located unconscious and not breathing inside his residence in unincorporated Tiburon, CA. The […]

    Is Obama Using Facebook Messenger To Spy On You?

    by Abe - View all comments

    Barack Obama has now found a way to ruin Facebook for everyone.  Earlier today our friends at KTLA made the big reveal that Facebook Messenger’s terms imply that Obama could use it to turn on your smartphone camera at any time he wants, and then spy on you on your day to day life. It was just another day for the Turpensmith family. They were relaxing in their quaint Georgia home when a horrible shriek came from their teenage daughters […]

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    Obama Occultists Dance Under Supermoon To Worship New Age of Liberal Darkness

    by Abe - View all comments

      Obama extends his left hand over the masses gathered in rainy Washington, D.C. this evening, all out so they could celebrate the supermoon during the witching hours of night. Democrats in DC are celebrating their latest accomplishments in destroying America’s relationship with Jesus tonight.  Gathered under the supermoon, the liberals chanted “Obama, Obama” as rain poured from the skies.  The rain was tears of angels crying because so many Americans have turned their backs on Jesus.    


    24 Christian Alternative Words for “Vagine”

    by Abe - View all comments

    Often times in the course of our ministry, we must go into whispering details about the ‘secret place’ of women aka their (whisper it,  ‘vagine‘).  When doing education, especially to women and children, it would be uncouth to even whisper the actual name.  It is much more pleasant and euphonious of sound to use moral nomenclature to educate about the secracies.  Here are 24 Christian alternative words for you to use in your ministry. There are angel wings and deviled […]

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    Obama Administration Invented ‘Gay Serum’ To Secretly Inject Into Straight Men, Turn Them Gay

    by Abe - View all comments

    Have you noticed that an alarming number of men are suddenly ‘coming out’ of the closet as gay? Over the last ten years, conservative polling has shown estimates that the nation’s coming out of the-closet rate (COOT-R) has increased to 16%, an alarming 3 out of 19 unconfirmed men are reporting as gay. While the liberal media will try to whitewash the statistics and claim it is just because men feel more comfortable telling all, our research has found an […]


    Obama and New Age Liberal Scientists Invent Machine To Capture Your Immortal Soul, Stop Christians From Going to Heaven

    by Abe - View all comments

    Obama ( foreground) and a team of scientists demonstrate new soul-ripping technology for their NLO overlords on left-wing think-tankREDDIT.   The Liberal’s War on Christianity has won another major victory in America.  President Obama has secretly funneled millions of dollars into research and development of a strange new technology that can rip your immortal soul right out of you and trap it in a machine for all eternity. This means no Heaven for all the good people out there, and […]

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    Proof Martin Luther King Jr. Was A Republican

    by Abe - View all comments

      Martin Luther King, Jr., was a Republican. In the photograph above, we can see one of the greatest Americans of all time.  On the lapel of his church suit, look at that button.  This picture shows king proudly wearing his prized ‘vote Republican’ pin, reminding his local community and the world that the GOP is the party of emancipation. Born in 1899, Martin Luther King Jr.’s father, Martin Luther King, Sr., was born unto Republicans.  In fact, most African-Americans were […]

    The B.O. In Ebola Stands for Barack Obama

    by Abe - View all comments

    My friends and dear readers, please etch those words in your hearts and minds, and share them with your friends. The B.O. in Ebola standard for Barack Obama.  Do you faithless skeptics out there need proof?  Here you go:   As I loudly proclaimed earlier this week, there is a war brewing in America.  The Moral Majority of this country are becoming a minority, Christians are becoming the persecuted few.  The latest polls show that a whopping 3% of America […]

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    Is Barack Obama A False god Reborn?

    by Abe - View all comments

      On the surface, Barack Obama tries to paint himself as an American, Christian, father and husband.  But is there something more supernatural and sinister to Obama’s real life?   Here we can see Obama posing in elaborate Pharaoh splendor, superstar Michael Jackson being the jester to his court while a beautifulwoman stands by his side.   Is Obama a true American or is he actually a false-Egyptian god establishing a new Dynasty of Liberal Darkness in America? In ancient […]

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    Young Obama Visited the Ebola River When He Was 15-Years-Old. Coincidence? I Think Not!

    by Abe - View all comments

    Evolved Ebola  is an evolved form of the classic Ebola virus disease first discovered in Africa.  The evolved Ebola is being genetically targeted and wielded against moral Americans so that in order to get the cure, we will have to also accept RDIF chips and thereby get the Mark of the Beast during the end days.  Obama is just helping set the stage for Meggido. But where did the original virus come from?  The probable answer may ironically surprise some of you […]

    All Teenagers Should Get Life In Jail for Baking Pot Brownies

    by Rachel Aschner-Barsky - View all comments

    For those of you not in the know, there is a new baking ‘trick’ teens these days are using to sneak the dangerous drug marijuana into their partying bodies.   For years, we have all been well versed on the dangers of marijuana. It is a hallucinogenic drug that fuels wild orgies and causes one who consumes it to become loose and pliable, their morals melting away with each lung-filled ‘toke’ they take of the addictive drug. Marijuana is directly […]

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    Grizzly Bear Evolves Ability To Walk Like a Human in a Neighborhood, Obama’s Monsanto

    by Abe - View all comments

      A bear has evolved the ability to walk on its hind legs.  The shocking new video from New Jersey shows a bear that’s hopped up on Monsanto berries that grow in the locale. Several years ago, we strongly slammed Obama for protecting genetically modified food companies who hamper farmer’s abilities to harvest naturally grown, God-evolved crops. Locals report for several weeks now, the bear emerges from the forest and goes about a daily routine of dumpster-diving, trying to procreate […]

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    Is Shipping the Millions of Mexican Illegal Immigrants to Iraq to Create a New Catholic-state in the Middle East the Solution to America’s Immigration Crisis?

    by Abe - View all comments

      America has a moral obligation to find a forever home for the millions of illegal Mexicans who are currently fleeing to our borders for opportunity and freedom.  America also has an obligation to the land of Iraq and all the invaluably precious riches its soil holds within it.  These two truths are moral obligations the United States cannot ignore. Under the strong leadership of President Bush, America had no trouble crushing the Iraqi Army and bringing Saddam *Hussein to […]